Looks like I finally ran into someone that likes to play as rough as I do.

Yeah, this must be your lucky night.

I'm lucky?

I guess maybe I am.

You're dumb, real dumb, if you think you can pull this off.

I think you're forgetting something.

I got the gun.

I can get guns, smart guy. Lot’s of ‘em. Now, why don't you tell me your name?

Tom Code, pleased to meet you.

I'll be coming for her, and I'll be coming for you too.

Sure you will, and I'll be waiting.

Oh my God, it's like testosterone unbound, isn't it? It's like literally a great Ayn Randian fountainhead of just ball juice, isn't it?

Wow. I have been so excited for this movie.

Me too.

There are just no words. Of course, I'm going to find so many of them. Yes, and I gotta say, Willem Dafoe come a long way in a short time since his fleeting cameo in The Hunger to now being a full-fledged, iconic villain that you can't take your eyes off of and you can't help but think, dear Lord, he would have made an incredible joker.

The thing is, Willem Dafoe's talent is so like, beyond question at this point anyway. But folks, on that note, let's just say that I am Javier Grillo-Marxuach.

And I'm Paul Alvarado-Dykstra.

And this is...

Multiplex Overthruster, Summer of 84.

You know, I got to say, I'm actually kind of starting to get used to my imposter in the opening title.

You're starting to get used to Colby Elliott's, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, he's starting to grow on me. He's pretty good.

You know what the thing is, is that he's got that professional voice, but you have like a certain enthusiasm, you know? So it's just, you know, six, seven, man, six, seven.

I have sort of an unhinged, possessed quality in my...

Paul, Streets of Fire.

Streets of Fire, Javier, first question. This is an important question. To what degree is Streets of Fire a movie versus a vibe?

Oh, it's a vibe. It's a movie. It's a sensation.

I mean, it's kind of barely a movie.

Yeah. But it's such a vibe. It's such a...

Oh, my God. It is such a vibe.

It is a vibe.

Oh, man.

And here's the thing that's so interesting. Like, one of the jokes I want to say in this podcast, and I might as well say it now, is that this movie might as well be called Streets of Assholes because there isn't a single character in this movie who's like a nice person or that you like in the least, you know, but at the same time, you love everybody and the movie is great, and yet the movie is not really good, but it's awesome. It is the most confounding film ever.

I was going to say, one of the most marvelous achievements of the film is that almost everyone, except I would say Reva.

Reva is, yeah, yeah, okay.

But of the main characters who we follow through the action, they're all just glorious assholes.

They really are.

I find them so entertaining. Yeah, I love them. I just think it's great. It's stupid, but it's great.

I love it until anybody opens their mouth. You know, this is Walter Hill, who writes all of these tough guy movies, you know, like all of us those are the tough guys, you know? So everybody in this movie is a tough guy. The women are tough guys. The men are tough guys. The tough guys are tough guys. You know, and it's like nobody has a single soft edge. There is absolutely no likeability to anybody here. And yet, weirdly, the vibe works, you know, because you just watch this movie, it's like you're in some sort of like, it's like if Terry Gilliam directed a Western, right?

So just off the bat, and I know we got to go to the plot, whatever, but what plot? We got to ring the bell. Let's just ring the bell.

No, no, no, but before we ring the bell, actually, we want to know where you saw this movie first. Remember, we do have a format for the show, where you saw the movie, and does it have any importance to you how you saw the movie? Because for me, actually, I've got a big story attached to this movie.

So I did not see this in the theaters when it came out, and I feel like I was criminally deprived in my youth. I discovered it much later, and here's the thing. I discovered it in the most backwards weird way, because my sort of meta-introduction to it was the classic, iconic 80s anime that I've mentioned previously, an eight-episode OVA series called Bubblegum Crisis.

Oh yeah, sure, sure.

Which is just awesome. And Bubblegum Crisis is basically Streets of Fire meets Blade Runner, kind of, with a little iron man. But it's about an all-female band.

Streets of Fire meets Blade Runner, basically Blade Runner meets Blade Runner, or Streets of Fire meets Streets of Fire.

A little bit, but it's got sci-fi. There's no sci-fi in Streets of Fire. But then I heard about like, oh, that it was based on, and I was obsessed with Bubblegum Crisis in college and stuff. But then I discovered Streets of Fire, and from the opening scene, I'm like, this is Bubblegum Crisis. This is amazing.

Really?

This is insane.

So, She's in Fire came to you via VHS, via cable? Was it beamed directly to your head?

Video. Yeah. VHS or DVD? I'd have to go back and recall.

Producer Brad, your first encounter with Streets of Fire.

I saw it once in the theater and I haven't seen it since. But it's a movie that I've read about a lot, because I remember reading about how they shot it during the day with a tarp over the universal lot. That fact has stuck in my head for 40 years, so.

Yeah, so I saw this movie, I was an exchange student in Germany.

Holy shit.

Okay, so I saw this movie in German and then I didn't see it again for like five years. So most of my members of this film are actually in German, which is really weird. And I don't even speak German, like I had high school German back then, kind of. So for me, this movie has like a very odd sort of bilingual quality to it.

This is amazing to me. Dare I say, ausgezeichnet to me, because I feel like the black leather clad biker gang, The Bombers, should authentically be speaking German.

Yeah, they should be. There's a very famous club called Bergheim in Berlin, and they will totally be at home there. Yeah.

Oh yeah.

They are just amazing. So anyway, let's talk about the plot. Let me recap the plot of this film, and then we'll go to the bell, okay? I mean, it's really going to be a very short segment where I recap the plot. Diane Lane plays Ellen Aime, who is a sort of princess of rock and roll, and she is a famous rock star and she goes back to the unnamed city that she came from in order to do a benefit show. But during the benefit show, the bombers show up, a horrible gang of bikers fronted by none other than Raven played by Willem Dafoe. And right in the middle of the show, they kidnap the princess of rock and roll and take her away, which is when Reva, a young diner owner in the city, calls to her brother. Well, she doesn't call him, she telegrams him, actually. A former soldier named Tom Cody. Tom Cody comes to town and Billy Fish, Elename's manager, pays him to go get her from the battery where the bombers are holding her. And he does. And that's kind of the movie. And then the bombers get all but hurt, because he took the girl from them. So they kind of stage an all out kind of invasion of the city. And it climaxes with Willem Dafoe and Michael Paré having a showdown. It is so awesome. It is like literally they fight with sledgehammers. They have a man to man sledgehammer fight to decide who gets the girl and who gets the city.

Sledgehammers or large pickaxes?

No, they are not large at all. They are sort of like hammer like. Well, anyway, the point is they are hammers.

They don't have blades. They don't have blades.

They don't have blades. They are just giant hammers. And they fight it out with giant hammers. Tom Cody wins. The bombers go away. Ellen Ames sings her song. And yeah, that is the movie. And it is awesome. And I want to add that the two greatest songs in the movie were written by Jim Steinman, who is famous for writing Total Eclipse of the Heart, the entirety of Meat Loaf's Bad Out of Hell album. Big anthem.

Yeah.

To the point, actually, a friend of mine had the best criticism of the song, not only criticism, the best description of the song. He said, hey, some of these Jim Steinman songs only have three acts.

Yeah. But there's also a lot of music by Ry Cooder and the music supervised by Jimmy Alveen.

The Fix is one of the blasters, a lot of bands in the song. It's Maria McKee from Lone Justice. I mean, it is an 80s trove. Let's get into it. Producer Brad, please ring this bell. Ring this bell. Ding, ding. All right. Paul.

My first thought, this movie is such a big swing in so many directions, and I feel like it maybe should have been a little more judicious in its choices, in terms of focusing those big swings into a singular direction, because it's kind of a jumbled weird world that it's constructing.

This movie starts with the montage where the show is gathering strength, and you see the title of the movie, and it says Streets of Fire, a rock and roll fable. Yes. I know, I know. You thought it was a good thing.

I thought you were skipping past the title. We're talking about a montage. We're not at the montage.

There's two reasons why I don't want to skip past the title. One of them is because it says a rock and roll fable, and it says, Another Time, Another Place, right? Which is the reverse of The Dark Crystal, which is weird because it's another place, another time. Anyway, and here's the thing, Paul. Whenever somebody says that their movie is anything other than a movie, I run for the hills, okay? When I say it's not a movie, it's a fable. It's a tone poem. It's a fairy tale. Like, fuck off, you don't have a script. That's literally when, and this movie literally announces from the beginning, we have no script, we are a fable. And the movie set in some sort of weird rock and roll Western city thing.

It's so strange alternate reality that to me feels like Blade Runner meets a Mad Max vibe, kind of foreshadowing a little escape from New York. And even a little precursor to Batman. It's just so all over the place.

And meets Tucker.

Yes.

It does, because everybody drives these Tudor Bakers around. They all look like Tucker Torpedoes, right? And also, you know what my retcon is for this movie? Paul, for me, this movie is the 19th, you know how Blade Runner takes place in Los Angeles, November 2019. Yeah, to me, this is the 1950s of that reality.

Yes, that makes sense. But also with the music, because you go from swinging 80s, big anthem, rock anthems, to then rockabilly, and then to like bebop, and it's just like, pick a line, like what is going on?

And then the Ficks are doing their synth pop thing there in the middle, at the end of it, I mean, it's like a whole lot is happening, yeah.

It does not all fit together in a cohesive vision.

You know what I remind, did you see the movie The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, which was set like 60 years before, it's a prequel to The Hunger Games, set like 60 years before The Hunger Games.

I've seen none of those movies.

Really? Oh, they're profoundly satisfying.

I'm not the target demographic of those movies. I am, I am.

Nor am I, but they're literally the franchise I love best right now. Good. But anyway, so we have a montage that starts, a very music video set to the beat, right? While this is going on, we've got the opening credits, Ellen Aime and her band are warming, are literally, the lights are swelling, the band is starting to play. Paul, it looks like you already want to stop me, like I'm going too fast. What? What?

I just want to talk up, I just want to bask in the grander's glory. Oh boy. Of the opening shot.

Of your thesaurus.

No, the opening shot. Javi. You hassle. The characters of this movie have rubbed off on you.

It is Streets of Hassles, I know, go on.

So what is the title of this film, Javi?

Streets of Fire.

Streets of Fire. What is the opening shot of the film?

Paul, the title of the film is Straßen in Flamen, because that's the German title.

Even better.

The first title is of a street that has been wet down in the style of Michael Mann. So it's actually a wet, it should be called Streets of Wetness, Streets of Moisture, right?

And what do we see reflected in the wet street in the opening shot?

Is it neon? Some neon.

Lots of neon.

Lots of neon, yeah, yeah.

Which makes it look like the streets on fire.

Really?

In like technicolor neon fire.

Okay.

And it's a beautiful opening shot. It's just a very artsy, intentional, and then it pans up to this theater and there is so much neon in this movie.

Oh my god, the best.

At least in the civilized sector of this weird city state that they're in. It's like neon represents civilization, represents life, and yeah.

And it's also a very 1980s sort of like neon look. It's very much like the 80s had this sort of resurgence of that kind of very bright neon-y kind of, not quite pastel, because that was more like Miami Vice, but that kind of Miami art deco aesthetic was huge during the 80s. So it's not Streets of Moisture, Streets of Fire. You were able to connect the wet down to the fire. Very well done, Paul. I appreciate it. Now, can we get to the concert?

Yes. And who we gloriously meet backstage?

Oh, Billy Fish. Billy Fish! That's hole number one.

Has any character been better named? No. Then Billy Fish.

He's played by Rick Moranis, who is the nicest...

Very young Rick Moranis.

Very young. And Rick Moranis has the sweetest face of any human being that's ever lived. I mean, I literally see Rick Moranis' face even as like dark helmet. I just want to shower him with unconditional love. I want to give him a sweater and a bowl of soup. He's just the sweetest looking man. And god, Billy Fish is an asshole. What a piece of shit, right?

He is. It's not immediately clear at the beginning what his deal is. Like, does he own the venue? But he's like her manager. And then we reveal that he's kind of her boyfriend. Sort of.

I mean, can this film have any kind of claim? You know, let's let's let's get let's get a taste of Billy Fish, shall we?

Please.

Let's sample the fish. Producer Pat Clip number one.

Hey, big crowd, huh?

Yeah, no, one of them's got a pot to piss in.

I never should have let myself get talked into this dumb benefit. I can be making some real money tonight.

All right, let's get this thing started.

Wow.

Yeah. All right. And his tone doesn't change at all at no point in the film, does it? He's literally, this is just-

No. He is entitled. He is full of himself. He looks down on everyone and everything around him. Everything is beneath him, and he just is dripping with disdain throughout the whole film. And it's kind of great.

I feel like in this bunch of lines, we've kind of seen this entire arc as a character.

Arc? Arc?

All right. All right. So, and then the show starts, right?

Yes. And how awesome, how awesome is 20-year-old Diane Lane, who deserved to be a much bigger star?

Oh, my God. She is incredible. She looks amazing. She's 20 when she made this movie, do you think? Yeah. Oh, wow.

I thought she was younger. I thought she was like 18.

I think the math says she's 20.

She must have been like, well, anyway, because she supposedly had like this big love affair with Tom Cody. So anyway, we'll get to that in a second. Anyway, they're singing this amazing song called Nowhere Fast by a band called Fire, Inc. that was put together for this movie. So she is lip syncing to this amazing Jim Steinman song.

Song, which is shamelessly ripped off in the first episode of Bubblegum Crisis by a very similar re-written kind of a cousin, spiritual musical cousin of this very song, the same riff.

Who came first, Bubblegum Crisis or this?

No, Streets of Fire. Streets of Fire came like five years, four years before.

Now, while she's singing this amazing song, you suddenly like into the light comes Willem Dafoe standing impassively in the center of the audience, yes?

Well, here's the thing I wanted to celebrate, at least acknowledge. This film has just a startling economy of plot.

Oh yeah. He says charitably.

But it savers every plot beat and mines, if not milks, each one for as much as it possibly can.

Well, if it didn't, it'd be 15 minutes long, Paul. Yeah.

But it's one of the things that we'd, I hadn't seen this film in decades. And I just, and this movie is an hour and a half. It's a brisk ride, but it does feel like it could be shorter.

It really does, yeah.

But I luxuriated in this. So just the buildup of the biker gang arriving, the inner cutting of the concert with the biker gang arriving, know something bad's gonna happen. When they enter in, we're not revealing Willem Dafoe yet. We're only seeing him backlit in silhouette with his just incredible hair.

Oh my god, the hair. It's like Ronald Reagan meets Astro Boy, isn't it? I mean, it's incredible.

It is, there's so much, there's so much design work in this film.

Yes.

From hair and makeup, costume, production design, that is just insane.

Incredible.

In the best way. And as then you get the slow, intense, methodical, close-up push-in, reveal of Willem Dafoe.

Because the spotlight is moving to the crowd. Yeah, and the spotlight kind of turns on to him. And that's when you find that he sort of revealed, you know, yeah.

And then just the suddenness from that slow build to the turn of when then the bombers just rushed the stage. Like, chaotically rushed the stage to kidnap her. This is honestly, I think, kind of brilliant staging. I mean, that's not even to mention the fact that Bill Paxton randomly gets punched and beaten up.

That he's in the movie. That Bill Paxton is in the movie.

That he's in the movie. Like, there are all these amazing people who show up in this movie and basically get beaten up.

And by the way, quite graphically, like, the beatings in this movie, this is not like, like, this is the thing about this movie, it's like a fantasy. But at the same time, it's like, it has this Western tough guy who has a lot of quality to it, so the beatings and the violence is pretty graphic, you know, and brutal, right?

It doesn't know what it is yet, because it's sort of, there's not a genre for this movie yet, because it's not a full-on musical, it's not a comic book movie, because those don't really exist yet. And, but it, like, it's reaching to try to figure out what it is and what it can do, and it's just fascinating in this way.

To me, it's almost like, listening to you say that, I think, you know, like, the opening of this movie is very, I mean, it's Walter Hill, he's a great director, this is a very self-assured movie, you know, and it's very much a music video.

It's music video meets stunt spectacular, because it's a lot of excuses to set up big action stunt sequences that are surprising in scale and ambition.

But also to set up, like, interesting visuals, you know, like, to me, this movie is the good version of Highlander, The Quickening, okay? Whoa. Yeah, I know, right? Whoa, whoa, easy there, Chief. What's going on? And here's my hot take on that, okay? Highlander, The Quickening is a movie that makes no goddamn sense by the standards of the continuity of that franchise in any way whatsoever. But it's literally Russell McKay was given a budget. He was sent down to Buenos Aires, where there's all of this amazing architecture, and he was just told basically to make this movie. And it's like he basically did the Wild Boys video that he did for Duran Duran on a grand scale. So a lot of this movie to me is kind of like that. It's like you're just looking for opportunities to have visuals that are amazing, you know? Like, if you can have Tom Cotty and his Overcoat standing next to a billboard with a plume of fire next to it and smoke, they go for it. Or if they want 100 bikers coming down the street with the beams that hold up the subway, like kind of framing it like that. They really go for those music video visuals. I thought that was pretty cool.

It is, it is very cool. But it does feel like it's this weird transitional film that is got, yeah, that doesn't quite have its footing. And it's kind of experimental in that way. But what could be a very simple, like, oh, they bust in, they rush the stage, they grab her, they kidnap her, and then they flee and they're out. No, no, no, no, no. That is just the opening gambit of then this big stunt spectacular of biker gang street chaos.

Oh, yeah, they don't just steal the Princess of Rock. Yeah, they brutalize the city.

Like, there's no reason why the movie needs to do this. Like, the plot does not demand this in any way, shape or form. They could have saved so much money and time.

So much money.

But Walter Hill is like, I gotta blow shit up. I wanna, like, throw people around.

The plot may not demand it, but I would demand it. I enjoyed it.

Yeah, and it's fun. Like, the movie, it's, the movie's a vibe and it's a ride.

It totally is, yeah, and it's a ride. And the thing is, like, this riot, and also it's really interesting sort of how serious this movie takes itself a lot of the time. Like, you see this movie, the bombers are trashing up the city and everything and all that. And at one point, it stops to, like, the image of a black woman who's just standing in the middle of the street screaming, right? And it's sort of like, it's like something gotta do the right thing. And you're just like, why does this movie suddenly feel like it has to give us this very loaded kind of image? You know, it's like, I don't know, it's like, it's not a political movie. What are you doing here, you know? But anyway.

Yeah, that is something also that tonally the film doesn't quite settle on because there are moments that are definite camp. But then there are moments where it plays like it's trying to be serious and real.

Ghost of Mississippi or something like that. Yeah, you're like, what is this?

But then it's like, it's so, but it's so heightened and weird. It's just, it's weird. This movie is freaking weird.

So now we cut to Riva, who is Tom Cody's sister. And we actually cut to the scene where we're watching this play by-

But we don't know that yet.

No, we don't know that. But what we do know is she's sending a telegram because we have this great sort of Rykhooter kind of bouncy ding-da-ding-da-ding-da-ding telegraph music while she's typing out the telegraph and it goes. And then you cut to an arriving subway train, like an elevated train, like in Chicago, right? And standing in that train in his magnificent overcoat is none other than Michael Paré as Tom Cody. You know, Paul, I'm reminded of, I heard a joke this week. It was actually a tweet where somebody said, you know, frankly, I think the elephant is quite nice and it pulls the room together. The elephant in the room? Yeah, let's talk about the elephant in the room. And it is Michael, sadly. It is universally believed that he is not perhaps up to the challenge of being the lead character in a movie that is basically carried by the charm of its lead character. Discuss.

So first, I want to acknowledge the gloriously gorgeous Deborah Van Valkenberg.

Oh, we love her, don't we? Oh, my God.

As Reva, who is Mercy and the Warriors and is just amazing. And I wanted more of her in this film. I'm like, I, yeah, that's.

Yeah, Javi, you had a crush on Kate Capshaw this time, but I was watching Too Close for Comfort and Deborah Van Valkenberg.

That's right.

She's amazing. And, but yeah, my hot take, and maybe it's not a hot take, maybe it's just staying the obvious. The biggest thing I think this film is missing is Kurt Russell.

Oh, interesting, huh?

Instead of Michael Paré.

Well, that's interesting because we've done a little background research for this movie. And they said that they were talking to people like Tom Cruise. And I'm like, I don't think you'd make the movie better. No, I'm Trix Waze. Yeah, no. But Paul, Kurt Russell, now we're cooking with gas. Okay. I had not thought of that because maybe I just see some cooking or whatever.

Maybe a little too head on the nose with Escape to New York. But I'm thinking if he played it more like Jack Burton meets crossed like somewhere in the middle of Jack Burton and Snake Plissken. Yeah.

Yeah.

And had just kind of a little Han Solo, like a little bit or Indie like that. Like, I feel again, this character is does not work in the film and also at all. And I'll just skip to give away the ending. But I just think the other big thing is the movie's ending fails. The character makes this inexplicably stupid choice at the end of the film that also I think, I think kills it and self-sabotage the film from being an enduring hit, much less a franchise that it could have been. I think if you'd had Kurt Russell and a better ending, more satisfying ending, boy, howdy, this would be a towering, you know, one of the big 80s movies slash franchises we'd still be talking about.

I have a hot take on your hot take. Are you ready? My hot take is that what you're suggesting would actually give us so different a movie that it would not be the movie we love. Let me put it to you, one of the things that I think we nerds love are broken things, okay? Nerds love broken things because we then spend a bunch of time in our heads trying to fix them, you know? And some of us sadly take this into our personal lives, that's neither here nor there. But what I'm trying to say is, like, yeah, we can talk about what if this movie had had Kurt Russell or like, you know, whatever, I like Michael Paré as Tom Cody because, like I said, I feel like The Elephant is quite attractive and pulls the room together. I like Michael Paré as Tom Cody because it doesn't work, because it's so, I mean, he looks completely right for the part, right? But the script doesn't help him in any way, you know? I mean, he's doing his best to kind of be a brooding hero, but it's like he's got, you know, I don't know. I don't think he's nearly the actor that Kurt Russell is, and I think Kurt Russell brought a lot of charm into this, and I think the brokenness of that character and that performance are a huge part of the charm in this movie. Is that weird?

Yes. I don't disagree at all, because it's just so striking that you would hang so much of the film on this coat rack, and literally he uses a coat rack to fight off bad guys in one scene, and it's just like this coat rack is like not that interesting.

You felt that the coat rack had better chemistry than Michael Pare?

Yes.

Oh my God.

Okay.

With Michael Pare, actually.

I was more invested in whether the coat rack would survive. Right. I'm getting ahead of myself.

All right. So here's what happens. Tom Cody comes to town and he goes straight to his sister's diner. The town has been ransacked by the bombers. And of course, some dinky biker gang shows up. There's a dinky like car gang. Like it's really a bunch of guys and they're called the road masters. And they come up in their car and they try to kind of be cute around the diner and rough people up. And of course, Tom Cody grabs a coat rack and kicks the shit out of them.

Their pubs make trouble. Well, first, Tom slaps the guy silly. Yeah, no, no, no.

This is the best part of the movie. The head of the road masters has a butterfly knife. He does the whole butterfly knife thing, right? So then Tom Cody, he grabs his hand, slaps him, says, do it again. He does it again. He then slaps him again. And then he grabs the guy's hand and does it. I don't know what it is. It's the best knife whoever. And then he takes a coat rack and kicks the shit out of everybody. It's amazing. So now Tom Cody has involuntarily trashed his sister's diner, which was probably not what she called him for. She just wanted him to rescue Ellen Aym.

She seems remarkably forgiven about this. Also at this point still, we don't know that they're siblings. Do we really find? We find that out later, like a scene later. But at this point we think, I don't know, maybe he's, they're a couple. We don't know yet.

Maybe, I don't know.

But yeah, the fact that he wields, there's interesting weaponry used in this film. Like the pickaxe sledgehammers.

I gotta say, like the scene with the butterfly knife is one of the best character introductions ever. Cause he literally, it's one of those things where the bad guy does the cool thing, right? Michael Paré takes the weapon away from him, slaps him, does the weapon more cool than the bad guy, hands it back to him, says, do it again. The bad guy does it again, he slaps him and takes the thing away from him again. It's such a great character. And look, if it had been Harrison Ford, even better. I get, oh my God, come on.

Yeah, this movie couldn't have gotten Harrison Ford. But here's the other thing we noticed starting in this sequence.

Do go on.

This movie, and again, I know it's the 80s, it's the burgeoning music video aesthetic.

Paul, did you just say that it's the 80s?

That's enough, that's...

We're gonna worm that into your brain, Paul.

Oh, god damn it.

So we get a lot of very conspicuously weird freeze frames and transitions. And when I say transitions, they look like... I don't even know what they look like. They look like the film frames being like torn or shorn sideways across the frame. It's very strange and very distracting.

It has a sound of the subway car going by as the transition happens.

Yeah. It's like a messy wipe that looks like the film got scratched, then it's a scratch film wiping. I mean, the aesthetic here, again, it's that music video. It's weird because when you look at the first 10 minutes of this film, I wonder if Russell Mulcahy directed it and not Walter Hill.

But this is the study in contrast because, as we've discussed, Russell Mulcahy, master of transitions.

Yes, indeed.

I mean, just the most elegantly gorgeous. But these are kind of messy.

Would you rather Russell Mulcahy direct Streets of Fire and Walter Hill direct Highlander, The Quickening?

Honestly, with the scripts, it wouldn't matter. Literally, Ed Wood could direct either one of those. And with those scripts, it wouldn't matter who directs it, don't you think?

Would it change the quality either way?

No, I think Walter Hill directing one or him directing, it would be the same.

I'm imagining Christophe Lambert as Tom Cody with his accent. Tom Cody, pleased to meet you.

I don't know, that would have been very weird. Okay, all right, so Tom Cody now has the road master's car. And the reason I like this is for two, one of them, the cops, he takes the car, he's taking out for a joyride, the cops stop him. And now we meet the cops, played by Rick Rossovich and I forget the other gentleman's name.

Richard Lawson.

That's right, Richard Lawson, yes.

Who we saw aware.

Where?

Did you not recognize him?

I recognize him from everything. He's like one of those character actors, isn't he?

Poltergeist.

Oh, that's right, he was one of the, he was one of the, he was one of the Ghostbusters.

He's the Ghostbuster, he stays. I love it.

That's right, that's right.

So they stopped Tom Cody in the cart and we get the following, the following dialogue. Producer Brad Regalus with clip number two, please.

So in this scene with the cops, then we get because so many of these scenes are just very obviously engineered excuses for exposition.

Most of these scenes are people telling each other what's happening in the scene. It's really weird. Yes.

Or catching them up with backstory.

With what happened in the last scene. It's like, let me tell you what happened in the last scene, Tom.

Or before the movie. But this scene is then where it's revealed that Reva is Tom's big sister. Right. And that Ellen, the person, the replicant's rock star, is Tom's ex. And Reva wants Tom to rescue her. But he's kind of broken heart, like hasn't gotten over her. And is disinclined to do his ex such a favor.

Yes. They had a relationship before. Somebody, they all, they, so apparently everybody rejected. Everybody was weird because it was like, they keep asking you what happened, how did it fall apart? And it's like, you don't actually know what the relationship was, why they broke up. It's never said. They talk a lot about, anyway. So once the cops show up, we have a follow-up. Producer Brad, give us clip number three. Let's just hear it, because it's just delicious.

Tom Cody. It's been a couple of years since I've had any trouble out of you.

Hey, Ed, I just came home to visit my big sister.

You're not going to have any trouble with me. Glad to hear it. We don't need somebody coming back here trying to give us a hard time.

Come on, Ed, he just got back. Give him a break.

Yeah, I'll give him a break. Get out of here, Cody.

And again, the dissonance of the design, the aesthetic, and then this like upbeat music.

It looks just like the 1950s, but it's like you're playing like the music that sounds like Tupelo, Missouri.

You're also in this post-apocalyptic urban wasteland. What is happening?

Yeah, and you get the sense that the cities are sort of city states. Like the battery is its own city state and the city from Streets of Fire is its own city state and there's another city state. It's a weird universe that is never explained in any way whatsoever yet. So now, guys, the greatest thing ever happens, which is we're about to meet gay icon McCoy. I don't know if you're...

Oh, my God.

McCoy is the greatest. I mean, literally, I don't know that any character, like any character archetype ever imprinted in me with the power of Amy Madigan as McCoy. So Tom Cody goes to a bar because that's what they do, right?

The Blackhawk Bar.

Is that right? Well, there you go.

Yes. And Bill Paxton is the bartender, aka Clyde, is the bartender. No, I want to go to this bar.

And he's missing a tooth because the bummer is knocked it out of the first scene of it.

It's pretty conspicuously just like painted black.

It's not very conspicuously painted black. Yeah, no, absolutely.

He's not missing his tooth.

Yeah, exactly. Now, in this scene, we get a little bit of finally just what the movie is going to be about.

Yes, the great Amy Madigan is at the bar. Yes.

Hey, bartender, you're going to shoot the shit all night or you want to give me another drink?

Hey, Tom, would you get a load of this little honey?

She thinks she owns the place.

I'm just trying to get myself a drink, pal.

Well, maybe you've already had enough, babe.

You've got to be kidding me.

Do I look like I'm kidding? No, maybe you ought to pay up as well. We've been driving up a tap here all night. We're not real big on credit.

Are you trying to say that I can't pay?

Yeah, let's see the color of your money.

There, happy?

Yeah. But now I don't like your face.

You know, everywhere I go, there's always an asshole.

Because it's Streets of Assholes. This is the tone of the entire movie. No one is nice to anyone in this movie.

And for the second time, within, what, 20, 15 minutes, Bill Paxton gets beaten up again.

Gets beaten up again.

But now by Amy Madigan.

Yeah, McCoy is a former soldier. She is always dressed in kind of like a weird sort of flight suit jacket thing. She's always wearing a baseball cap.

Yeah, she's got a jumpsuit.

At one point, I pretty much patterned the character in the...

And like the most lesbian haircut...

Oh my God...

.in cinematic history up until this point.

No, there could not be a more gay-coded character than this one. And it is glorious because she is self-possessed. She has no doubt about anything. She knows what she's doing. She's confident. I love this character so much. I want to see just a movie of McCoy beating up bartenders.

Javi, how immensely satisfying is it to revisit this movie post-Weapons, post-Oscar?

Yes.

To behold Amy Madigan just owning every scene she's in. As ex-soldier mechanic, jumpsuit wearing, badass, lesbian icon, McCoy. I just- I know. I could not love her more. Again, it's just so happy that she's had the reawakening in the public consciousness and the industry that she's had this past year. But again, you see in this film just this enormity of talent and confidence that that's just- also, I just feel like-

With the exception of the guy of number one on the call sheet, with the exception of Paré, who is not holding it the way everybody else is, and that's it.

Yeah. He's the weakest link in the film.

God, I don't want to be mean to- I don't know why I don't want to be mean to Michael. You know how mean I can be. I was mean to you like 20 minutes ago.

To be fair, to be fair, I was late today, so I held this up and I had to reschedule.

I'm just saying.

I deserved it.

No, but I don't want to be mean to Paré. I like Michael Pare. I like him because he was the greatest American hero, which was a show I loved during this time period. This was going to be his- yeah, he was Ralph Hinckley slash Hanley's brooding, because he taught remedial high school. Oh, yeah.

He was like the Vinny Barberino of that cast.

Yeah. I just really like the guy, so I don't want to be mean about him. I mean, I don't- It's just not fair.

What can you say?

The problem is you take an actor who's not quite the leading man they're trying to make him be, and then you stick him in a movie with Bill Paxton, Amy Madigan, you know, Hagen Raven, let's say Willem Dafoe, you know, and it's like literally Rick Moranis, there's all these people surrounding this guy, but he can't really do much with the script and everybody else is doing the best they can with the script. They're booing it up, but he's not getting lifted up with them. He's kind of a void in the middle of it, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

Now you do have a comparison for his work in this, because there was a sequel, an unofficial sequel, and he re-created this character. Deborah Van Valkenburg was also in it, directed by Albert Pune.

What?

Albert Pune, who did the Sword and the Sorcerer?

Yes.

He had a sequel to Streets of Fire?

2008. What do you mean?

Okay. Is this a real thing?

I don't think it was official. I think they sort of maybe got away with it, and they shouldn't have done it.

And remind us what it's called.

Road to Hell, and he plays Tom Cody again.

Wow. Wow.

Okay.

And just, you know, the script was written by Cynthia Cernan, PhD.

Well, Dr. Cernan. Well, then, so you know it's good. Okay. Hey, let's get back to this movie. You know, so now all of the main characters get together in the diner, and we're finally going to discuss. By the way, Eleanor, how many days have passed in this movie at this point, Paul Alvarado-Dykstra?

Since she was stolen?

Like, I don't know.

It was like, there's the night she was stolen, right? Then the telegram goes out. It can't be the same night. Let's say there's another day, right? Then there's the night in the bar where she punches out Bill Paxson and then the next. So by now, Eleanor has been kidnapped for like two days and two nights, right?

Well, I don't want to leave the bar quite yet. But yes, it's been, who knows? I mean, time has no meaning in this weird, because again, Javi, lest we forget, this is a rock and roll fable in another time and another place.

You know, for a fable, it's really lacking in talking animals. I'm just going to put that out there. You know, most fables, you gotta at least a couple of talking dogs. That's not happening here.

Again, another missed opportunity. Or maybe like one of them, maybe McCoy should have like a pet raccoon that she tells everybody is her cat.

Or everyone in the movie should have been an animal. Talk about an awesome movie. This movie had been like an animated film where everyone's an animal. You know, like Tom is sort of like a wolf, like in The Bad Guys, you know, voiced by Bradley Cooper. And maybe McCoy is like, I don't know. Anyway, nerds like to fix broken things, Paul. This is why we love this movie. I tell you. Anyway, okay.

So Tom and McCoy bond. And it turns out she is just sort of passing through, but looking for a spare bed. He, of course, takes it the way that a narcissistic, good-looking guy would take it. And she assures him, as we already have read, he is not her type, but he invites her to crash on her sister's couch.

If I'm Tom Cody, he's a soldier too. He's been in the army, right? And he meets someone like McCoy, and he doesn't realize she's not playing in his team. He's just a brick. You can look at McCoy and be like, oh yeah. Anyway, she wants me.

Here's one thing I think the film does. And again, I know I'm grading on a curve, and I know that everything is relative to the context to the rest of the film. That said, there is a bit of a relationship arc of positive male-female friendship, specifically hetero male-lesbian female friendship, that unexpectedly blossoms in this movie in the mid-80s that I kind of want to applaud.

I feel like Tom and McCoy kind of bond over just an inability for interpersonal kindness, their overall roughness, a penchant for violence, and wearing really cool clothing. I think that's kind of like their relationship, right?

Yes.

No, but I want to validate what you're saying. I actually think that one of the things I really like about this movie is that because Ellen and Tom are not in the movie together for that long, honestly, and they're not really like, like, and because they're basically calling each other an asshole for most of the movie. It's really Tom and McCoy's movie as a relationship. And I just want to completely, completely validate what you said. It is awesome to see these two like just become a team. I like that, you know?

And that is the one saving grace about the ending of the film. Spoilers is that it does bring that home.

It's like Louie, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship and they walk off into the fog together.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, I want to go on more adventures, but mainly for her, less for him.

Do you remember last week when we did Temple of Doom and you said we were robbed of a short round series? I think we were robbed of a McCoy series. Just saying. Yeah.

Amy Madigan went in and read for Revo the Sister first, but she said she wanted to play McCoy and McCoy was written as a man.

Of course, of course.

That's a much better role. And it carries through the whole movie because Revo drops out through the whole middle stretch of the film and has a painfully little to do, which is which is annoying. But Javi, we're at an important turning point here because in any hero's journey, we have, as we have already seen, we've had our hero's refusal of the call. Yes, but then we need to have the turn to him answer the call. Javi, how is this dramatized? How is this narratively, persuasively, compellingly forged in this film?

The characters all meet in a diner and they're assholes to each other? Isn't that it?

No.

Oh, okay. Do go on.

So, Tom essentially tucks McCoy in for the night on his sister's couch, turns in, and finds a faded, very faded, like startlingly faded, photo of Ellen in his wallet. Then we have an impressionistic, brief black and white flashback, and that somehow magically awakens his conscience or rewires his motivation, and he bursts into Reva's bedroom to inform her that he's going to go rescue Ellen. It's just like, it's out of nowhere. It's just like, oh yeah, we need him to do this, so let's just make him decide to do it. It's so, ah.

The funny thing is whenever Tom and Ellen have a moment, they play the Maria McKee song, It'll Never Be You, which is hilarious because he just keeps playing over and over. Every time there's a wistful flashback, that's the song that plays and you're like, the song is telling us how the movie is going to end, guys. Hey, producer Brad, they all meet at the diner and are assholes to each other. Let's hear it. It's clip number six.

You must be Billy Fish.

Yeah. So what gives? Make it fast, my time is valuable. If you want Ellen Aime back, I'm going to get her.

You and what army? You can see you two are going to get along just fine.

I want ten grand. Easy.

All you got to do is earn it.

I'll earn it. And you're going to help.

Reeve told me you used to live in the Battery.

I started out there.

It's the shits. I wouldn't go back to that dump if you paid me.

You're going. I need somebody who knows their way around. I don't think so.

It's not my scene.

You want your meal ticket back, get in the car, or otherwise the deal is off. Look, Cody, you sound pretty dumb, but nobody's that dumb. I'm the one paying you.

That means you go get her, I wait here, and you bring her back to me.

You smart guys.

You always figured you can hire a bum like me to do your dirty work. Well, not this time.

Can you really get her back?

You got a better volunteer?

I feel like the writer was writing this with massive testicles strapped to his hands, you know, like as he was typing it. It was like, literally every line in this movie was just a tough guy dirge, you know? It's just like everything is just full of testosterone. Even the way the women, everybody speaks like they're just tough guys in some film noir Western thing. Paul.

Sorry, I need a moment to recover from that, that graphic image that you, that you impaled my psyche with.

Of a man with giant testicles strapped to his hands as he pounds out dialogue with ham-fisted anvils.

Dear Lord, dear Lord.

Okay, sorry.

But how satisfying is it to hear Rick Moranis say, it's the shits. And just in that scene, in that exchange, Moranis is so much more interesting in his read, in his delivery. It is weird. Like just, it's just, yeah, it's not fair. It's not fair.

There's a lot of great actors in this movie, and everybody's dialogue is every bit as bad as everybody else's dialogue. You can tell from this scene, everybody's just talking in like tough person cliches, right? So you can tell who the better actors are, because the ones can actually make it work. But the problem with Moranis' characters, because that's him throughout the entire movie, it's just him trying to make lines like that work, and he does it, but it's one note.

And it's the contrast, because it's Rick Moranis. Like he's selling this, and it's so insane. One thing we missed is there, to get to the diner, we have this inner cut, dual scenes, because Tom needs guns and ammo. So he goes to a mechanic friend, who then loads them up with like tons of weapons. And by intercutting this, we see Reva and McCoy bond in a walk and talk of exposition and backstory. And this kind of thing happens periodically during the film. Anyway, so...

Could this film actually pass the Bechdel test because of the scene?

No.

Or are they talking about Tom?

Yes.

No, because they're talking about Tom. Yeah, exactly. Okay, gotcha.

Yes. I mean, come on, come on.

But wouldn't it be weird if this was the one?

You know, like, whoa. Yeah, it would. I was not gonna wager on that. So Tom and Billy Fish, which is so fun to say, have made a deal, but McCoy wants to tag along. Right. And Tom decides finally he's gonna cut her in for 10%, which really seems cheap on his, especially because he's gonna make her drive.

Yeah. And he's getting 10 grand. She's getting one grand. She's gonna drive and it's parsimonious. He's not, he's not really, really giving her.

Yeah. But now we have our trio. We have our band of adventurers, to go on this quest. And I don't know quite how you classify them in D&D manner. But yeah, we have Billy Fish and McCoy and then Tom Cody. And two of these characters, very interesting. And have good asshole banter. But Tom is kind of the third wheel.

Yep, he really is, yeah. Because actually Madigan and McCoy actually do more of the back and forth and the kind of sparring here.

Yeah, yeah. Madigan and Moranis have some fun, just jabs at each other that are really good.

And apropos of what you just said about this bantering relationship, why don't we hear clip number seven, producer Brad?

You got a real big mouth, Fish.

You know, it's hard to figure out what's more pathetic, the way you talk or the way you dress.

Let me tell you something, these clothes are worth more than you make in a year. I can see working with you two is gonna be a real dream.

And again, this is the movie, this is Streets of Assholes. Like, it's just, they're just mean to each other.

Yeah.

I don't know, anyway, yeah, so anyway, but however.

They descend to the battery, the scary part of town.

Now, this is the part where my point about how long has Elinane been captive, okay? Because by my count, it's been like four days now, or three days, or two days and two nights, three days and two nights. I don't know, two nights? I don't know, anyway.

I always get that messed up.

But now we get the scene where Raven finally kind of explains to her why she's been kidnapped. So literally she's been sitting in her room for however long.

Yeah, yeah. First, we are introduced to Torchies Bar, which is the headquarters.

Oh God, yeah, you're right. Okay, so Torchies Bar.

Don't question Paul Plot.

No, no, no, I don't question Paul Plot. Paul, a little bit of truth, Torchies Bar is in every Walter Hill movie. Every Walter Hill movie has a Torchies Bar. And...

Not to be confused, dear listeners, with Torchies Tacos, which is an entirely different vibe here in Austin, Texas.

In beautiful Austin, Texas. Okay, so at Torchies Bar, the Blasters, which are a pretty awesome crock-a-billy band are playing. And Paul, who's dancing on the pole at Torchies Bar? Can you tell us?

So here's the thing.

Yes.

Can you tell us?

We have this buildup toward how scary the battery is.

Very scary.

And the drive there, they descend into darkness.

Yes.

And just ominous, just scary architecture.

Perhaps into mystery, yeah.

Yes. And then we reveal, and they're told about, oh, we're told about Torchy's Bar. That's where they hang out. It's like a scary place. Like, you know, like Satan's, I don't know what you imagine. And you go and then you reveal Torchy's Bar. It's this very festive, like, party bar.

Oh, I'd rather go to Torchy's Bar than Reva's Diner any night.

Yeah, and there's Rockabilly playing.

And there's a very shockingly clad dancer doing a pole dance, right?

There is a very hot pole dancer on the bar.

Do you know who she is?

You're going to tell us.

She is Maureen Jahan, who did all the dancing for Jennifer Beals in Flashdance.

Of course.

Yes, because this is the 80s after all.

Yes.

She's the second person from Flashdance in this film.

Is that right? Who's the first one?

The henchman for Willem Dafoe is Lee Ving.

Oh, and he's in Flashdance? I forgot all about him being in Flashdance. Who's in Flashdance?

He was the bar owner.

Oh my God.

He was the awful, abusive bar owner.

Yes, yes. It makes sense that this guy was the lead singer for a band called Fear. He's terrifying.

And so he was sort of in Repo Man.

That's right. He sort of was. Yes, indeed.

Yes. And just wait till we get to our Valley Girl crossover.

Oh dear Lord. Okay.

But then we reveal creepy Willem Dafoe. And is there a better costume in the whole film than creepy Willem Dafoe's black latex overalls?

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Black latex overalls. First I thought, is this leather? And then I'm like, no, I think those are latex.

I think it's vinyl. I think it's vinyl.

Vinyl? Okay.

Yeah, it's vinyl.

Yeah, you're right. Black vinyl overalls. And then he, of course, is creeping on Ellen, who is tied to a bed.

Dafoe, I think before this, he'd done this movie with Catherine Bigelow. That was like a sort of impressionistic biker movie, you know. And he was very much living in that world where he was like, like the consumptive goth vampire, you know. And so in this film, he is literally bleached white. Like he's wearing white makeup in this entire movie. And he's not wearing a shirt under the overalls. So he's literally like, he's just like fish belly pale. And his hair is jet black. It's creepy as fuck. And well, let's hear clip number eight so we can get a little bit of a, we can get his kind of bedside manner here.

You know, you're making things real hard on yourself. You see, I ain't such a bad guy. I just get excited around pretty girls.

I mean, he's the best thing in this movie. He's so creepy. He is so creepy and he has, he doesn't have a lot to do in this movie, but when he's on the screen, he fucking dominates, right?

Yeah, he exudes just disturbing malevolence and danger, because you just are like, what, this guy is not wired like other people.

And I think the thing Dafoe brings to this performance that's so cool is how confident he is, you know, like Raven Shattuck is not going to lose. He just knows he's going to win everything. He's always going to come out on top, you know, I mean, and he walks to the movie with that kind of swagger, the evil version of swagger. It's awesome, you know. Yeah.

So our trio kind of arrives in the general vicinity and they're kind of wandering around because I'm like, how do they not know yet to go to the Torchies Bar? Because we've already heard about that, I believe, from the cops or something. And but they are suddenly startled by the most random cameo.

Right.

In the film.

It's Jerry Burns, right?

No. It is Guzzi Ed Begley Jr. Oh, that's right.

That's right. Ed Begley Jr. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Who is this random, I don't know, homeless person?

Homeless guy?

Yeah. What the hell?

And he just first freaks them out. And then without any persuading-

Weirdly philosophical, yeah.

Yes. And then he very generously tips them off as far as what they need to know, where they need to go, that Ellen is being held at Torchie's. He's like, he's Deus Ex Begley. Guz.

It's Deus Ex Begley.

Let's hear it.

It's clip number nine, producer Brad, give it to us.

Where are they keeping her?

Torchie, second floor.

Don't tell him I told you though.

Pay him. Yeah, pay me.

I'm not gonna pay this jerk.

Listen, shithead, you give me some of your money, or I'll give you some of your money.

Don't call me shithead.

Hey, you gotta keep moving forward. That's the whole point of things, ain't it? Thank you now. I appreciate it.

You should buy some soap. I'm paying this guy to tell me she's in Torchie's. I said they had her in Torchie's.

I am a shithead.

Like, he's even an asshole to himself. That's how much of an asshole he is, like...

Yeah. Narratively, this scene is completely extraneous and pointless. Because again, as the character has said, we already know, they already know where they need to go. So what is the excuse why they have not already gone there? Just so we can have this little weird side quest encounter to pad the running time. And I guess, you know, help younger Ed Begley Jr. get his SAG card, get his medical insurance, our insurance for the year. I don't know, but it's great. Like this little scene is insane. It just is so randomly weird and satisfying. But it's because of Rick Moranis' timing and the landing on it.

Yes.

It's just really satisfying.

By the way, the best line is, go buy some soap, go buy some. I don't know why his delivery of that is so amusing to me. I love it. Okay, so Paul, then we have a lengthy and tedious action scene that you'll be able to be.

Well, because Tom now has to hatch the plan. I'm not going to go beat by beat. But now it's like we have to have our heist sequence.

Yeah.

Which is, we got to rescue Ellen. How are they possibly going to do that? There are three of them. There's this big, huge torches bar swarming with bikers.

With the bombers, and then they change the city, yeah.

The evil bombers, who I am convinced are all gay Germans. And then our trio splits up, because they each have an assignment. And rather than Tom, our leading man, ostensibly action hero, take point and go straight into the belly of the beast, and he safely climbs into a sniper position. I guess maybe that's a special.

Maybe he was a sniper, who knows?

And McCoy, who he did not want to tag along originally.

And he's only getting 10 percent.

He's only getting 10 percent. He sends her straight in the front door to the bar while he sends Fish is going to then stand by as the getaway driver and be ready to come pick them up.

His plan is to blow up all the motorcycles, create a diversion because he's going to create a shot. And all the bombers will leave the bar clearing the way for McCoy to do this. He's not just sending her in. Look, I'm not saying it's a great plan.

Well, but to get from here to there is like, what? So we know what's going to happen. I want to talk for a moment about what I desperately wanted to happen.

I have it written in my notes as underwhelming rescue. Is that what's about to happen?

I know that you have chastised the impulse in watching a film to seize upon the idea of unrealized opportunities for better versions of this film that are staring you and back in time, the filmmakers themselves in the fucking face. And it's like you have the dots literally chiseled out of beautiful gemstones and they are placed right before you. And as if like they're calling you with voices of angels to connect these beautiful dots that are just are destined to meet.

Out with it, man.

Out with it, man.

How on Madeline Kahn in Clue, how the fucking fuck. I'm also Julia Louis-Dreyfus in any random episode of Veep.

There are literally flames on the side of your head, heaving. Yes.

What?

What is it, Paul?

How the fuck do you not have McCoy and the pole dancer who is also, also in a very lesbianly coded haircut, have their eyes meet across the bar and team up, maybe dare I suggest hook up in a side quest. Like, it's right there, it's like, it's right these two characters. Like, you, you like how and instead, instead McCoy is intercepted by random biker guy who has no gaydar and is, and is hitting on her despite her haircut. And the pole dancer is right there and McCoy sees her, how could you not? The pole dancer does not see her. And I'm just like, the yearning that I'm feeling in this moment. Because I feel, I feel like their love, their love is written in the stars.

Paul, between the wind up to this riff and then the, and the, and the, I mean, literally, I feel like I'm like, I'm literally, you've heard of the three 10 to Yuma, this is the three 10 to Tangent, Paul.

Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

Look, look, look, look. Is, were we denied a great sapphic action adventure? Yes. However, consider the auspices. 1984.

But see, but here's the thing, here's the thing. Did we not see a movie called The Goddamn Hunger?

Come on, give me something, Producer Brad. Come on, get me out of here.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll explain the whole thing. The Appropriate Music Queue is Lakme from The Pearlfishers by Dileeb from The Hunger.

No, the Appropriate Piece is the Alan Silvestri saxophone at the end of Romantic. If we did the movie where McCoy entered Torchie's bar, and she had a long lingering eye fuck with the pole dancer, and then they decided to get together and fuck Ellen Aime. They're going to go rescue some other singer. See, here's the thing. No, the Appropriate Music is the end of Romancing the Stone for that. Don't tell me no, or I don't know do. Don't wait for the translation. Answer me now.

See, here's the thing. See, the pole dancer.

So McCoy is grabbed by a guy and they go upstairs.

To the party room, as she is told. So then McCoy, like with a plum, like right out of a Bond movie, pulls the gun on him and takes him hostage. And then she goes and busts into the card game that she first tries to get into but he like wants to get it on with her. He's so sadly clueless. And she takes control of this entire room of bomber, biker gang members, badasses, her alone with her gun, no fear.

Who else is in the room though?

Who else is in the room?

Willem Dafoe and Lee Ving.

Oh, yes, yes. It's Willem Dafoe's poker game. And she holds them all at gunpoint and then even shoots one of them who then threatens her and challenges her to prove her medal. And then as Tom starts blowing shit up, he sees Ellen from his sniper position. So he now sees where she's being held through a window that's conveniently doesn't have the blinds closed. And he just starts shooting bikers and blowing bikes up. A lot of, there's a lot of blowing up here. And then they coordinate, he busts in as they all are fleeing in chaos. And Tom and McCoy, Tom rescues Ellen and then meets up with McCoy and then they flee and Fish picks them up in the car. But Tom makes the inexplicably selfless decision to stay behind, to cover them and cause more mayhem and destruction, to cover their escape, knowing he can steal a bike and then will rendezvous with them. But this is only to create the first face to face confrontation with our villain who merges through the flames that have been ignited from all of Tom's blow shit uppery.

In his bizarre vinyl thing, 1-Z, singlet.

Which was created by who?

By whom?

Marilyn Vance was a wardrobe designer in Giorgio Armani.

Really? There you go.

Nicely done. Nicely done.

Yeah. So, Paul.

What an iconic villain. And they introduce themselves to each other.

This is where we have the scene we opened with, that we heard at the beginning of this. Paul, now there is a 20-minute stretch in this movie that is like tedium incarnate. Like they drop the car, they keep the car, they put down the car, they go down the place.

It's The Warriors.

Is that what it is?

Yeah. I felt as if I was just watching The Warriors again.

It's just a lesser version of The Warriors.

Where they're just assholes to each other for 20 minutes while just traversing the city.

Well, they're trying to get back to their side, which seems more arduous than the other direction that it went.

But it is during this segment that we have our crossover, our second crossover with Flashdance, right?

Pretty soon. But there's an important beat where McCoy, Ellen and Fish are waiting to rendezvous with Tom, who they start to worry may not come. And as they're waiting, Fish reveals to Ellen that Tom did it for the money.

Took money. Yes, yes.

And then as Tom arrives, McCoy, in retaliation, reveals to, that Tom is Ellen's ex, which apparently Fish did not know, and does not handle well.

But that is, this is a, yeah. Like, you know what, you know what, I think, you know, Paul wants to know how to watch these movies. Like last week with Temple of Doom, you're like, when did you watch this movie? I'm like, three days ago, I'd forgotten like a whole plot point in it and all that. And I got to tell you, like, the thing about this movie being a vibe is that, especially during this segment, it's like, you just, I don't even drink beer and I felt like I should go crack one open, you know, like an appropriately rockabilly beer. So you knowing that dramatically this is what happens and this is staggering to me because I just figured they just argue.

Well, and it's crucial to establish this because it pays off and plays into the third act dynamic. They got to ditch the car for some reason, I guess, so they're, because it's been seen. They go into a garage, then they split up because Ellen wants to talk to Tom and it's just for backstory exposition. And-

Well, I believe that's clip number 11.

Oh yeah, why not?

Let's hear it.

So, what do you want to talk to me about?

I got a lot to say to you, Tom.

No, you don't. You have nothing to say to me. You want to talk to somebody, go talk to your boyfriend.

What was I supposed to do? I had all that work. Things were going real good. Things were starting to happen for me.

Yeah, so bye-bye, Tom, right?

You're the one that took off and joined the Army.

Let's forget all this. It's history.

From now on, I'm just like you.

I do what I'm good at, and I do it for money.

Is that why you came and got me?

That's right.

Billy Fish is paying me ten grand.

I just can't believe you'd do that.

Maybe you better get used to the idea.

Wow.

Yeah, they were clearly in love once. I think, wow. The lack of chemists... And by the way, I can't blame the actors entirely. The dialogue here is just... I mean, yeah, it's like slabs of wood falling from the sky. You know, wow. Yeah. All right. So that happened.

We then get another musical number, Sorcerer, which has these annoying intercuts to black screen that's just incredibly jarring.

Because now we're walking through what is apparently the little Tokyo section of this weird world where there's like people playing sort of pachinko and there's like a video lounge and there's like neon and...

I don't even know where we are or what. It doesn't make sense. But...

I don't even know who I am at this point, also. Like, I've just entered an experiential transpersonal space in which my identity has become porous with that.

But out of nowhere and at this late stage in the film, a new character is introduced.

Because why not? Why not?

And it is Babydoll, played by Elizabeth Daly. Babydoll is an adoring fan of Ellen's. And Elizabeth Daly is amazing because...

Also known as the voice of Tommy Pickles.

And of Buttercup from Powerpuff Girls. And of course, Babe. But on top of that, not only Lauren from Valley Girl, Dottie from Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

From Pee Wee's Big Adventure, yes.

Among many other credits, but yeah, just an icon and a force.

But by the way, but it's such a, again, it's like just because the movie is Streets of Assholes, she goes up to Ellen and says, I love you, Ellen. And she goes, yeah, if you love me so much, why don't you beat it?

Yeah, everyone in this movie is such an asshole. But again, she is there to tip them off. And at first I think, oh, this is just another cameo like Ed Begley Jr. to just like point them in the right direction, like which turn to take. But no, she instead starts tag, she tags along with them. And she says, you guys have got to get out of sight because they're looking for you. And so how do they do that? They see a bus. They specifically see a band bus for the Sorrells. And Tom kind of hijacks it because in his words, I need to lift real bad. As justification.

So there's like a doo-wop band. They're like four black men who are like driving their band to their next not a gig because they don't have a gig. So but they're in the band in their band costumes driving to nowhere in the middle of the night.

Tom hijacks their yes among them are dear Lord Robert Townsend and Michael T. Williamson. I just like holy shit like we get this whole new yeah, the cast that's that's supplementing the movie. And of course, then the the now, I guess, PTSD'd, traumatized bus driver who's been hijacked is then nowhere to be seen. And McCoy is now driving the bus again, still only getting 10 percent, but shouldering the majority of the labor in this endeavor. And then soon enough, the tire, the bus gets a flat tire. Then they're back on the road. There's a do-op quartet, and then there's a police blockade, which does not look good for them, but Fish has a plan. Again, Rick Moranis is playing a character with, let's just say, unqualified quantities of confidence. And he fearlessly stands up to these cops, and basically pays them off, or at least attempts to. But it doesn't work because apparently, he was a little too eager to.

He's too big, he's too big an asshole, yeah. And he's too eager to throw his money around, and now the cops are suspicious. The cops, by the way, led by an actor named Peter Jason, who is a regular in Walter Hill's, like there's a lot of people who show up in Walter Hill's films. Peter Jason, in 48 Hours, he's the guy who tells Eddie Murphy, oh, you'd want a black Russian. Remember that guy? How could one forget? It's a very, he's one of those, hey, it's that guy, guys.

I always love seeing him in movies. So when Bribor fails, Tom and McCoy step up with guns, and they hold up the cops, walk them out, and then they just blow the shit out of stuff. They blow up all the cop cars, work more, just violence and carnage. It's pretty fun.

There's only three options for the characters in this movie. Be an asshole, bribe them, or shoot them. That's it. That's all the three. Pretty much everything in this movie ends one way or the other.

So then they bust through the flaming wreckage of the cop cars with the bus, and then the cops call in another blockade, a big blockade. So then they have to ditch the bus, and now they take the L train and they all argue. Then return back to the safe confines of their friendly neighborhood police station is the first place they stop. Which is a little weird, but I guess to report, because Ellen was kidnapped and is a missing person, and it's like, okay, she's back safe.

The goodness is Raven didn't touch her for days. So she's...

Yeah.

This is the world's worst biker. Like, anyway, go on.

Ellen and Fish just want to get away from there and get back on the road because, again, Fish is this Alina snob who's... Everything is beneath him here. Does not want to be around these scuzzy people in the scuzzy world. And Ellen hates Tom for having only cared about the money and not her in terms of his motivation to save her.

Let's play a little clip from that scene, shall we, Mr. Brad, regale us with clip number 12, will you?

Listen, Cody, I didn't know you had a thing with Ellen in the old days.

You gotta get some smarts.

Learn to adjust to the fact that you're out of the picture now.

You see, Cody, I do things for her.

Things that a guy like you could never do.

Things that matter in the real world. You know something? The only trouble with kicking this shit out of you is it would be too easy.

Okay, anyway.

Whatever. But a lone member of the Bombers.

That's right.

Interrupts.

Leaving.

Interrupts the celebration homecoming for Ellen, casting a a dark cloud over the festivities and the is there to inform the cops that well, for this is so convoluted. It's like unnecessarily he's like telling the cop that that that Raven Wilm Dafoe wants to talk to him instead of just conveying the message, which is that Raven wants revenge on Tom Cody. He basically wants to stage a duel for the two of them to fight it out. But it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, but it's like, and now suddenly this cop just teleports back and forth to talk to Raven or vice versa. Somehow it doesn't matter. It doesn't explain, whatever. Then we get atmospherically, one of the best vibe stretches, which is the rainy diner scene. And Tom and McCoy are separately sulking. And you know, you know what called to me in the scene? You know what, what little bit of set dressing, prop mastery, beauty. What, what, what?

What did you see?

In the back of the diner, Reva is slicing a pie. And it's just this little quiet moment of reverie amidst this weird, strange world of chaos and crime. And I'm just, I just love Reva. And not just because she has pie, but now that she does, I'm just thinking, what a wonderful, just, just little pocket universe.

Would you want to see a sitcom, a sitcom like Alice, but set in this weird universe, but with Reva Diner?

I just want to go to that diner and have pie at the counter and talk to Reva and, and have her talk to me.

And the dancer, and the dancer from, from, from the club are sitting at the bar.

They're, they're, they're off, like, in the Caribbean. Like, like, yeah. Anyway, and the cop, Reva, Reva and Tom argue, no, they don't have the pie. I'm like, how are you not having the, anyway. And the cop arrives, tells Tom he's gotta leave town because he doesn't want this trouble that's brewing because Raven is coming to duel him. And so you gotta get the, out of here because otherwise I'm gonna arrest both of you.

I think, I think, I think, I think that is clip 13, producer Brad.

I want Tom Cody. I want to nail that son of a bitch's head to the sidewalk under that marquee that says LNA morning. And just to prove to you, I'm gonna be a nice guy. I'm coming in with just two of my men. After I take care of Cody, there'll be no more trouble. Do your job, man. Keep the peace.

How great is Willem Dafoe? But also finally, finally, how great is it to have the appropriately calibrated musical vibe underpinning?

You mean like finally, finally they got the music correct?

Yes, yes. I'm like, that just ominous bass guitar? Like, like I want that the whole fricking movie. Like that's badass. Anyway, back to where we are.

Now we have a section of this film that is entirely breaking down the burning question of the movie, which is Tom and Ellen, what happened? What happened with them, Paul? Why? Why can't their romance live? Why? And we get a couple of scenes that they kind of have it out. Can we please hear clip number 14, producer Brad?

What's your problem?

I care about you and this town. Look, if you're going to fight, you're supposed to fight for something.

You and Billy Fish are the same.

You're both selfish.

Whoa, now we know what's wrong with Tom. He's selfish. Is that why the relationship broke up? Just because of selfishness, huh?

But we know that. Like, I mean, again, it's like this, this whole, this crucial element of the film.

Yes.

This central relationship arc and foundation of backstory is so under constructed.

It's like they broke up. No one knows why. They don't explain it. Like, it's like he, she went off to do the band and he joined the army, who left first, who did what? No, we don't understand. And they have an interpersonal issue. Like, did he snore? You know, did she want an open relationship?

Like, why?

Why did they break up?

And it doesn't really matter. But it also is like, why do they still matter to each other? Why is she, like, why are, it just, there's too much that's just like.

There's also, there's also like, like, like a staggering nimbus of lack of chemistry between these two. But here's what happens, but here's what happens. Tom and Ellen wind up having it out in the rain, you know?

Yes, well, he arrives, he arrives to get paid, because he still hasn't gotten paid by Fish. And he arrives and I guess it's, I guess it's Fish's place, I don't know if it's Fish's place or Ellen's place.

It's some, it's some place.

But they're together, baby doll's there, she leaves, and Ellen is packing, Fish pays Tom.

And of course, Tom Cody just takes the 1,000th, you know?

Well, first he takes all of it, but then he kind of tells them off and then gives the money back, except for the 1,000 he owes McCoy.

That he owes McCoy, right?

And then he takes off.

Which by the way, considering how much she did, he should have taken two or three.

Yeah, exactly, he's an asshole.

Historically, women are not nearly paid well enough for the same work that they do, we all know about it.

Anyway, but Ellen runs after him. Yes, because he gives the money back, apparently.

Yeah, I don't know.

This compels her to run out into the rain after him.

And then we get the following dialogue. Let's hear it, producer Brad.

Tom, wait!

What was I supposed to do?

I hadn't heard from you in two years. You didn't even write me a letter.

What did I do that was so wrong?

All right, wait a second. Wait a second. So she's doing her band, right? He joins the army. He leaves and doesn't write to her even for two years. And he's the one who's part of it? What the hell?

This makes no sense.

He is an asshole.

He is a piece of shit if that's the real story, right? No dimension of this relationship makes any sense to me. I just don't get it. I don't buy it. But yet in this moment, and again, it's similarly to the head spinning answer the call moment that is completely out of the blue and not motivated. Here in this moment, suddenly, because they're in the rain and he gave the money back, but still like that doesn't make up for all of his asshole-ishness.

He agreed to party.

He abandoned her. Exactly. And yet then they kiss in the rain and we cut to them soggy in bed, having makeup sex, or post makeup sex. And then Ellen tells him, you know, they have to run away together, because before Raven comes, goes, what else would you do? Why don't they just run away together? And I'm like, that sounds like a good idea. Just do that. Of course, the movie would be over.

She's the rock star, she can get gigs anywhere.

Literally, I'm just like, first of all, it's Diane frickin Lane, who's amazing, and you have a choice to run away with her, or stay there for the, like, why?

And fight vampire Willem Dafoe with a fledgehammer.

And I'm just like, let's just do a really basic cost benefit analysis here. Let's weigh the pros and cons. What is this, weighing the incentives versus disincentives?

I can fight a pale goth with a sledgehammer or leave town with Diane Lane.

This is not a close call. Like, this is so...

No! No!

No!... idiot proof.

You're, yeah, absolutely, yeah. So, but here's what happens.

Because the movie's not over.

Tom has been warned by the, yeah, Tom has been warned by the cops to get out of town. So that, because basically the chief of police has decided he's just going to get all his guns.

And he still has to pay, he still has to pay McCoy. So we find McCoy at the bar with Clyde bartending her, even though, again, remember Clyde has punched him. She knocked, yeah. And he apparently just likes being punched. I don't know. And Tom arrives with her money. And there's a really nice moment in this scene after he pays her. Right. Because previously, he has just been shitty to her the whole time. He's just been such an asshole, so unappreciative, so disrespectful, just like burdening her with unreasonable expectations and responsibilities, with no gratitude, much less validation or appreciation of what she's done. But in this moment, he finally does. He finally tells her she did a good job, and she beams. And they kind of bond because he's been told that he and Fish are kind of the same. But I feel like in this moment, and again, maybe I'm working too hard to try to give the movie credit it doesn't deserve. But the best reading of this is that he's like, I don't want to be like Fish. I want to be like McCoy. McCoy is actually a badass. She's reliable. She comes through. She's cool. She fixes shit. Yeah, she fixes shit.

You always know where you stand with her. You know, yeah.

Then in another expression of respect and appreciation, we have a walk and talk where he asks for, Tom asks McCoy for advice about Ellen. And she gives him like love advice, which again, he's like, it's clearly, anyway. But then he says, I need your help with something that I don't want to do tonight. And you're like, you're going to fuck this up, aren't you, Tom? You're going to fuck this up for no good reason. For no good fucking reason.

Get on the train with Ellen. Get on the train with Ellen, Tom.

Just get on the train. We cut to them on the elevator train. They're embraced. It's like romantic. It's like, you can get away. You've got everything's fine. But McCoy is with them on the train. I'm like, why does McCoy have to be with them on the train? What is the thing he said he didn't want to do tonight? That he needs her help for Javi? Jesus fucking Christ. What does he do?

He fucking punches Ellen Amon the face, knocking her out so that McCoy can get her out of town. He punches our male hero, our masculine manly man, noble soldier hero, punches his girlfriend in the face to knock her out so that McCoy can get her out of town. By the way, here's the thing about punches. People don't really get it. A single punch is not going to do that to you. It might stun you, but you're not just going to pass out. If you punch somebody hard enough that they're going to literally pass out, you're going to do some damage.

To be fair, she's been through a lot.

I'm just saying he could have killed her.

Yeah. And also giving her a huge shiner and a big, huge bruise or whatever. It's just insane. This is of all the possible scenarios, all the paths that he has available to him. He's like, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to punch my girlfriend in the face. This is the romantic gesture to save her because clearly he is a fucking broken human being who cannot handle being loved, much less feeling worthy of a healthy relationship. So he has to self-sabotage at her expense. And I want to fucking murder this guy. I'm like, how do you, what is wrong with you? And he's enlisted McCoy, who again, he only gave 10 fucking percent to. He could have taken more money given it all to her. And he enlists her to then basically kidnap her, aid and abet him, and has taken her to safety, but not, but what safety? Because he fucking punched her in the face.

I think we can all agree that Ellen M. Abe is probably less safe with Tom Cody than she is, perhaps even with Raven. Okay, anyway. But the chief of police has this plan where basically Raven said he'd come along.

So he's got all the other cops. Well, he'd come with two lieutenants, only two.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's there. He gets all the other cops with all their guns, right? And he's going to arrest Raven and just be done with this, right? Raven shows up with his two dudes and, you know, Richard Lawson takes out there with his guns, right?

And he's like, Tom Scott, he came here for nothing.

Yeah.

So get out of here.

Yep. And then Raven, Raven pulls out a boathorn. And then suddenly we have like the armies of Fury Road converge up on town. And it's very well the best scenes in the movie when like suddenly just bikers after bikers affect me. They're like an army.

It's effective staging.

Like, and at one point there's even one, like there's even one that's like the, there's like the back of a truck and there's like more by, it looks like Fury Road. It's kind of amazing.

Here's the problem. This is just one problem, okay?

No problem. The problem is no problem, Paul.

No, it's-

I think that this movie's telling you, you know what the problem is?

No problem. So we're establishing-

Okay, what's the problem?

The problem is that to summon all of his gang in waiting, he uses the loud noise of an air horn. You know what's louder than an air horn? An armada of fucking motorcycles that have brought all of his gang there.

What are you nitpicking here, Paul? I have no idea where your head's at now.

How did they...

Do they have stealth motorcycles that delivered them all? How did they get so close to the city that they could all appear at the same time?

Just like Blue Thunder, they have Whisper Mode.

Yeah, exactly.

And you didn't, and you didn't, and you didn't...

They're not Megaforce. In Meg...

Well, I was gonna say, in Megaforce, they didn't bother... Come on! I was exactly bringing up, like when they're going in a line, shooting their things, and that didn't bother you, this bothers you? This is what bothers you?

This is what the movie had established earlier.

That their motorcycles are not the loud obnoxious motorcycles that have a whisper mode.

Oh my God, Paul. Anyway, look, look, look. I'm just gonna say that here's what happens. Now Raven is standing there waiting, and of course, you know, like, you gotta stand off between three cops with guns.

There's a funny beat also, because Bill Paxton starts the scene, like, waiting to see what's gonna happen. Like, he's excited, and now he's, like, game over, man, and he's, like, he's out of there. It's a great Bill Paxton moment, yeah.

But by the way, they redeemed that. They're like, the one, like, moment of planning and payoff that this movie actually does successfully, they redeemed that because when the Army of Punks shows up, Bill Paxton goes like, fuck this shit, and he runs away, right? Okay, so Tom Cody shows up in his motorcycle or in his Studebaker. It's in the Studebaker, and he has the following exchange.

Oh, God, what, what, what?

No, please, please, can we leave?

Don't do that to me, Javi, because this is worth it, and you know I wouldn't bring it up if it weren't worth it.

I know that.

Who steps up before Tom arrives to stand up to Raven and the entire biker gang?

Look, Paul, look, Paul, I'm, I'm in, hang on, forgive me. I'm having a moment of PTSD because of your whole, you know, five-hour riff on Marine Jahan and Nanny Madigan having like an Indiana Jones adventure in the island of Sappho, right? But I will concede that yes, this is actually correct, and you are correct in the following. Please proceed. I roll out the red carpet for you, my friend.

Jimmy Fish or whatever his name is, Billy Fish, something. Billy Fish. He's got a whole family of like siblings of like Scotty Fish and like all sorts of guys. He stands up to Raven, confronts him, like inexplicable. I don't think it's courage as much as it is just sort of self-delusion of something. And but a lackey like Raven doesn't even bother to punch.

Billy Fish runs in and he's like, you can't hurt these decent people. You can't do this to anybody.

Yes. And he has one of his lieutenants.

He doesn't even leave any, is it?

I don't even think so. But like a random lieutenant or like biker just like punches Fish out. It's so sad. And then Tom arrives.

And then Tom shows up in the studio.

Sorry I'm late. And I'm like, you asshole. And now, typical tough guy bullshit. It's on. And but we get a very nice.

Before it's on, we hear Richard Lawson say, he has a nice moment. Clip number 16, please.

Well, my plan went to shit.

Let's see how you do. Kick his ass.

That nice little twang. And you're the right cooter.

Yeah.

That's Ed, the cop.

His plan was to get one more cop, give him a gun, arrest the guy. That was his plan. Are we surprised that plan went to shit when you're dealing with the horrible guy? Literally, these guys looted the city three nights ago.

You know, I admire aspiration.

Okay, yes.

Good for him. But then they choose their weapons.

No, no, Raven says, I picked these out just for you. And he brings out the Sledgehammers.

There's Sledgehammers that look like pickaxes, kind of, but they're big, heavy, beefy. They're weird. They're weird. It's a weird implement.

It's not a Sledgehammer. It is some sort of a thinner, narrower, sharper.

But it looks like something you would do mining with. Or like in the bowels of the Temple of Doom, in the mines.

Oh my God. You mean like much like Steve in the Minecraft movie, Raven always yearned for the mines.

Yes.

Yes.

I have a six-year-old.

Anyway.

So they fight.

This is weird. They have this fight.

What's weird about it? They have the big manly man fight, yeah.

With all these onlookers, but it's like with these weird implements of mining, as their weapons of joy. I'm just like.

Again, that's what you're holding on to?

Movies are about choices. This is the big climactic showdown battle of our antagonist and protagonist, that the whole movie has been leading up to. It's supposed to be iconic. It's supposed to be just this incredible. We've seen this in many, many movies. And in a Western, you'd have a duel with guns. But you've established that.

You have a standoff.

In others, you'd have it with swords. Out of nowhere, it's such a random choice of, wait, what?

That's what you're going to duel with? Because we've seen guns. We've seen lightsabers. We've seen guns. This is supposed to be a new thing, Paul. How dare you impugn this movie's attempt at originality, Paul?

You can have originality, but then do the work of setup and payoff, of set it up because then it's like, oh, I bet there, because as much as I love setups and payoffs and foreshadowing the absence of it, when it's so clearly necessary, I think I just, it vexes me more.

I only want to take, on bridge, not on bridge, but I want to take the opposite tact to what you said, which is necessary, Paul, necessary. Is it clearly necessary in this film to have planning and payoff?

Yes, yes.

I think if you had a successful planning and payoff in this movie, you would actually stick out like a sore thumb, my friend.

As, as, and maybe, you know, this is the burden of my brain, but it's just as necessary as McCoy and the pole dancer going off to the Caribbean.

Okay, no, no, stop, stop, stop.

They have a big fight. They have a big fight.

They have a big fight. It's bloody. Tom disarms Raven.

Yeah, and of course he drops his own sleight of hand because he's not going to kill him. Yeah, to show he hit Mercy. Raven attacks him.

Willem Dafoe into a berserker rage. And then finally, Tom beats him anyway. And then the armed neighborhood posse drives away all the bombers. And that's kind of it.

Tom kind of beats him with the gladiator kind of maximum bitch slap. It's sort of like a haymaker open palm strike that he uses to put him by the neck.

Is this duel slash fight in any way, shape or form satisfying to you?

No, no, not in the least. No, no, it is not. It's not particularly well choreographed. The weapons aren't that interesting. And frankly, honestly, I think it's fine. I mean, it's fine, but it's a climax of the movie. And like, anytime this movie has, it's funny because it's Walter Hill. He's good at action, but anytime as we have to do action, it kind of falls apart.

It just feels like everything and the ingenuity and the weird, like it just feels like this movie deserved a better climax duel, like, I don't know, something more ingenious. And this dropped the ball. Anyway, we've now suddenly...

Raven falls, Raven falls, leaving, leaving, tells everybody to move out. The gang leaves. And just as this gang is leaving, no denouement, suddenly you start hearing music. You start hearing Dan Hartman's wonderful song, I Can Dream About You.

It's a great song, big hit.

And suddenly we start intercutting the gang leaving with the Sorrells dancing on stage performing this song. Right? And then that becomes the gateway for the end of the film. And while that's happening, Tom is backstage with Billy Fish. And well, this is supposed to be, and he hasn't spoken to Alan at all. We don't know. But this is Tom's big final reckoning with Billy Fish. Clip 17, producer Brad. Great, huh?

My new discovery. I'll take him right up the ladder.

Yeah, I ought to make you a lot of money, Fish.

But don't worry, Cody, I'm not going to stand in your way with Ellen.

I know how it is between you two.

There's one thing we both know, Fish. She needs you a lot more than she needs me. She needs me, but she loves you. She'll get over it. She's used to me being unreliable.

Is that what I'm supposed to tell her?

You're okay with words. You'll make her feel better than I could.

Take it easy, Cody.

Thanks. I'll take it wherever I can get it.

This guy is-

No, he doesn't because he can get it right here. He can get it right here. She's given it to him. She wants to be with him. He said, I'll take it wherever I can get it. Well, how about right here?

It's here for you.

I'll take it.

This rivals-

And how did Billy Fish become such a nice person all of a sudden?

This rivals Time Rider in just the height of inexplicable stupidity that our protagonist has dripping out of every pore of his body. How can any human being be this insanely stupid?

And he's so toxic. I mean, honestly, I'm glad he's a lone wolf because nobody deserves to act on Codian's foot down.

Ellen deserves so much better. So much better.

You know, yeah. He's literally just made Billy Fish look good.

Then we are- Yes, exactly. I mean, Billy Fish comes out of the like, like, hey, he's not a bad guy.

I don't know what movie he was in between the last time he was on this movie and now that he became a good guy through that character arc, but that's happened.

Then we get what's supposed to be the romantic, and again, you're just like Tom and Ellen meet backstage as the Sorrells are still playing. And instead of this being what you would think in any rational universe would be him coming to his senses.

That he decides to stay with her because he comes to his senses.

He can have everything and then some and win at life because-

By merely compromising a little bit, by merely deciding, you know what, I'm just going to- Instead of just being a lone wolf and wandering the earth by myself, not having relationships with people, I have to kind of go on tour with this person. What a sacrifice, oh my God.

This is just deranged cost benefit analysis in this situation. He's like, well, you're clearly going places. You're going to be successful. And I'm just like not the kind of guy to carry.

Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. I clip a number of team producer, Brad, because this is insane. This is lunacy.

I guess you're just gonna cut out, huh?

Yeah, you know me.

Yeah, I know you.

You're the guy with the right hook.

Is that it? Is that all you have left to say?

Look, I know you're gonna be going places with your singing and stuff. And I'm not the kind of guy to be carrying your guitars around for you. But if you ever need me for something, I'll be there.

No, she needs him for something, to be her lover. She needs him for something.

Do you mean sack of shit, moron? I'm like, first of all, first of all, she does not need you to carry her goddamn guitars. That's what roadies are for. She has people to carry her guitars. You moron, asshole. What she needs is like, I hate him. I hate him.

I hate him so much.

I want a piano to drop on his head. And just like plummet him into the center of the earth.

By the way, by the way, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Willem Dafoe, Meryl Streep, okay? And could have a wild night in, I don't know, in fucking Madrid and have a child out of it. And that child wouldn't, that actor that comes out of that would not be able to save this character. So at the beginning of this thing, you say, Oh, Kirk Russell. I'm like, Oh, maybe, yeah, no, I'm sorry. Tom Cody is irredeemable. I don't see any actor being able to pull this end off or to pull any, you know, like, when you see where the character lands, I'm not going to love Kirk Russell for leaving her like this.

Come on.

You know where the character is going. They plan to do a trilogy. They had two more films in mind.

Of what?

Jesus Christ.

How many times can Elanine get kidnapped?

Jesus. The arrogance. Tom leaves through the crowd as then she takes the stage in epic fashion.

One of the greatest songs ever. Oh my God. The song is an opera. It is Wagner.

It is so good. Tom stops at the exit, the back of the theater to watch her awesomeness. I like to think that what I'm reading in his face in this moment is that he knows he's fucked up. I don't presume he's that self-aware. She is fist pumping the air. The Sorrells join her band. It's just this awesome extravaganza. Like it's so beautifully staged. And Tom leaves the theater with his luggage. And I guess he's been having with them or kept in the box office, had them hold it for him. And lo and behold, McCoy arrived in his old stolen car that he stole and then they had to ditch. And now she stole for herself. And they have a Casablanca weird like moment. Yeah, where they drive off to a new adventure.

The thing about Casablanca is that-

And the credits roll, that's it.

Victor Laszlo is like a good guy. You want Ilsa Lund to go off with Victor Laszlo because he's a saint. Anyway, Paul-

They want this ending to be Casablanca. I'm sure that's what they were intending.

Oh, of course they do. Of course they do.

The staggering misunderstanding of what makes that movie and that ending great. It's mind boggling.

You know, it's weird to see these many people who've done great work elsewhere just stumble to the degree- I mean, I get they're making a big swing. It's supposed to be this rock and roll fable, whatever, but holy Toledo, Paul. Hey, lasting cultural impact on this film? Aside from that, we nerds love it because it's so damn broken that we just want to fix it all the time. Not you, Paul. You said you don't want to do that. That whole thing about the sapphic adventures of McCoy and Maureen Jahan, notwithstanding, that's not what you do, obviously.

If only she showed up in the car with her.

With Maureen Jahan! Yes. And she says to Tom Cody, sorry Tom, you're not my type. And she drives away, leaving that loser in the middle of the street with Sluggy.

Yeah, like what are you doing, you fucking moron?

Yeah. But you know what, if she'd driven up and had been Raven in the car with her, if she'd driven up and been the lead singer for the Blasters, if she'd driven up and had been Ed Begley, I'd be like, sure. I mean, because who knows? I mean, does this film have a lasting cultural impact?

I mean, it is a cult curiosity that with, honestly, with a few course corrections and maybe a recast lead and a rewrite of the script, could have been an iconic classic stuff of legend movie.

I think that three weeks of real hard work in a writer's room in this movie could make that Casablanca ending work. Absolutely. But it needed that rewrite. It needed to have all the stuff you pointed out, the plants that don't pay off, that the characters having no arcs, all that stuff had to be worked out and nobody worked it out.

That said, is this a movie that warrants a remake?

I hope not.

Yeah.

Producer Brad, box office results.

Streets of Fire opened on June 1st, 1984. It made $2.4 million its first weekend. Came in at number five for the weekend. The top four movies ahead of it were Star Trek 3, Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, The Natural and Breakin. They were three new.

Breakin.

Breakin, not Electric Boogaloo. This was the first one.

Just regular old Breakin.

Just regular Breakin. There were three new movies this weekend, Star Trek 3, Streets of Fire, and Once Upon a Time in America. For their year, Streets of Fire was the 91st highest-grossing film, 91, so it did not do well. It made $8.1 million against a budget of $14.5. And movies that made more money in 84 include Bolero, Breakin, Night of the Comet, Dune, and I'm always going to say Tom Selleck, Lasseter.

I'm going to bet the soundtrack to Streets of Fire made more than the movie.

Probably. Probably.

And as a note, I can hear about you in the movie. It's not Dan Hartman. It's a session musician. Dan Hartman contractually got his voice on the single.

Yeah, there was like a big kerfuffle because the video was the Dan Hartman singing, but the Sorrell's dancing and performing it. So Dan Hartman didn't get credit and then MTV had to go back and redo the credit with performance by the Sorrells.

The Sorrells, by the way, moonwalking in that scene at the end of the film. Yes, quite well.

I might add, yes. Producer Brad, next week.

So next week, three movies open. It's June 8th, 1984. Here is your first option, Ghostbusters.

Ooh, okay, okay. Which we know is gonna stay in the theaters for a long time, so that's okay. That's okay. Maybe we're coming up to it.

Second option is Beat Street, the Harry Belafonte produced.

Uh-huh, okay, yeah. Beat Street, yeah.

And the third new film is Gremlins.

Oh, wow.

You know, Paul, Paul, I would say Ghostbusters is gonna be in the theater till December, right? So I would say let's do Gremlins.

I don't think I can go another week without Star Trek III, though.

See, I think this is the difference between how we see... I have to see a movie, a new movie, the weekend. If I've already missed Star Trek III, it's gonna be playing for a while. And trust me, there's gonna be two weekends coming up where there's nothing new.

Okay. Okay. I'm gonna take producer... I know you want to do Star Trek III, but I gotta tell you, Paul, I think we gotta do either Ghostbusters or Gremlins then. Because I have a feeling there's gonna be a weekend where the choice is gonna be like The Soldier or like Lorne Greene's World of Steamed Vegetables, and I don't want to have to take that hit, my friend.

I hear ya.

And we'll schedule three hours for that, not two.

That's all? I mean, Star Trek III obviously demands three hours.

Oh, we're gonna talk a lot about that one. So Paul, what do you want to do, Gremlins or Ghostbusters? You tell me.

That is a very, very tough choice. Ghostbusters.

All right.

It's Ghostbusters next week. And until then, we will see you in line at the Multiplex.