Big man with a gun, what are you going to do, huh?

Shoot us all, stupid!

This guy, Guido, he's a manager?

That's right.

Or a pimp.

Well, now that's quick, Joel.

You always been this quick, or is this something new? I don't believe this. I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido, the Killer Pimp.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Sorry, Paul. The Tangerine Dream score has me all hyped up. It's like, you know, I can't believe we got this from the people who scored the Soldier. You know, it's so like it like suddenly realized, oh, that's what the guy who did the Soldier wanted.

It's it's definitely an upgrade and was an unexpected treat for me because this this was uncharted territory for me. This this film, which I was aware of the iconography of, but somehow had had not seen. I was too young when it came out. And then I don't know, it just never quite appealed to me. But wow.

Again, during the summer of 83, we keep running into movies that are kind of like the way Fast Times was in 82. Like they're not in our wheelhouse. This movie was OK. So ladies and gentlemen, faithful viewers, before we get too far into our podcast, Paul Alvarado-Dykstra and I are talking about a little movie called Risky Business, which is a massive pop cultural touchstone for all the reasons. But neither one of us, neither one of us saw in the theater when it came out, or frankly, had never seen it before. I've seen bits of it.

This, I'm sure, is going to be astounding to so many of our listeners, as it is to many of my friends that I've shared this information with. And I don't know quite how I never saw it. I think I had a fundamentally different perception of what the film was than what it is.

Yes.

And I gotta say, I am similarly like I was last week with Flashdance. I am really grateful for this podcast, for getting me to see the movie, because I would have never seen it otherwise.

My emotions are so mixed on this film.

Oh, yeah.

That I cannot begin. It literally, I have the perception of that this is a very good film that is also to Bernie Madoff what the Phantom Menace is to Darth Sidious.

Wow.

So, it's really difficult for me to, the overwhelming message of finding capitalism just hilarious in this film, and it is the overwhelming subtext of the film, and I don't know where this film is. This film seems to be extraordinarily pro, a kind of rapacious capitalism. If it's trying to be a satire of rapacious capitalism, it fails awfully. And instead, it plays to be more like a horror movie. And the satirical elements are there, but the overall thought of it is sort of very much like, I'm going like, I can imagine white kids from, you know, an upper middle class Ivy League background seeing this film in the same way that a lot of urban culture sees Scarface.

Yeah. Oh!

Oh!

You guys are so far on script.

We're being buzzed to get back on track.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, the film is Risky Business. My name is Javier Grillo-Marxuach.

And I'm still Paul Alvarado-Dykstra.

And this is...

Multiplex Overthruster Summer of 83.

Paul, I'd like to, for first of all, I love how you and I have this unspoken contest to see who can jump in first right after the title is done.

I can see your lips pursing, ready to go.

And I'm like, ah, Paul, I started first. Paul, before we get into the nitty gritty of this, and we shall, I just want to say-

There's so much nitty and so much gritty.

Holy Toledo, but Paul, I love the indefatigable optimism of producer Brad, who in our script writes, cold open, host reacts to quote, and then it says, Paul and Javi quickly discuss the importance of the film.

I will put that in bold next time, or maybe make it flash in red.

Well, yeah, yeah, I think so. That's- So Paul, yeah. So did you see this film as being as, it's obviously satirical, do you see this film as being satirical or unaware?

That is such an interesting question, especially in the context. It's a little foreshadowing of the ending, which was reshot and changed against the filmmaker's wish. In terms of his intended message. And moral message of the film.

Yes.

And that I find fascinating. And I can't wait till we get there to unpack it. Yeah, but no, this is, I think the prototypical, iconic 80s American white male suburban teen fantasy.

Yeah.

That made Tom Cruise a star.

My hot take on this movie is that this is what you would have gotten if David Lynch had directed Porky's.

Interesting.

No, I mean, I'm honestly shocked at how much of an art movie this is, you know, like it's a sex comedy, but it's like directed like an art movie. It is literally full of these long shots. It is very, and you know, Paul, perhaps now would be a time for you to let our audience and the other nerds who haven't seen Risky Business like us know what this movie is about.

Yeah, but I will agree. This is a very well-crafted film. I was very taken by it. It's just a real movie.

I'm shocked, but yeah, and I'm shocked that Paul, you know, look, I think we're all, look, there's three major elephants in this room. One of them is Tom Cruise. How did this kid turn into Tom Cruise? You know, that's an incredible conversation. Then there's Paul Brickman, AKA the JD Salinger of the Teenage Sex Comedy, who literally made this film, did two other things that are not that noteworthy as far as I can tell, and then seems to have vanished. And, you know, and then, yeah, and then there's, is this, you know, this movie being like a sort of teenage sex comedy that's shot like an art film, and it's very difficult to kind of tell what the intent of it is in a lot of ways. I don't know.

Yeah, and it exists kind of in, I feel like there's this triangle between Ferris Bueller, Home Alone, and Risky Business.

Yeah, yeah.

Kind of a very different kind of poles.

Well, I think it's interesting because I think Home Alone and Ferris Bueller are valentines to racist white entitlement like all of John Hughes' work. And this is much more complicated. Yes.

I think there is a simmering subtext of a subversive indictment.

Yeah.

Of that whole identity and aspiration.

Clearly. Clearly, it's satirical, but...

It is in this glossy, fun, very charming package... Right... .that makes it kind of appealing. And that's the stichotomy.

Except that I also don't know that, like, the package is fun. I know it's glossy and it is appealing, but there's something deeply ominous about this movie.

Yeah.

And that's why I make the Bernie Madoff-Darth Sidious reference, because I can see Joel...

Yeah...

.leaving this episode in his life and becoming Bernie Madoff, or becoming... You know what? Before we saw this movie, I saw a clip from the movie The Big Short. And it's a movie in which a character played by Max Greenfield, who is a wonderful actor and also perhaps cursed with a little bit of a punchable villainous face, you know? And he's playing a punchable villainous character who's describing how they do the no income, no job loans. And at the end of that scene, Steve Carell's character turns to his guys and goes, I don't understand, why are they confessing? And the other guy goes, they're not confessing, they're bragging. Yep. And that is who I easily imagine Joel becoming. And that's terrifying. And the movie has this very sort of quietly shot, very languid, very sort of the Tangerine Dream score, whatever. And it's actually kind of ominous. I don't know. It's a very odd film. I'm kind of.

So I will say there are definite sparks of fun peppered throughout to break up the pervasive anxiety that this film fosters, I think, very effectively. But yeah, I'm fascinated by this film. So to give you just a little bit of a.

Give us the plot. Give us the plot.

Recap, 19 year old Tom Cruise is playing Joel Goodson, who is left home alone when his parents go somewhere for a vacation and have probably an overabundance of trust in him. And he's in high school, has aspirations for college. He has anxiety about this. But then he's kind of dared by one of his buddies to take more risks in life, to kind of apply a different sort of philosophy of what the fuck, why not?

Mm-hmm, yes.

And he kind of does this and has led to this in a way that then a very fetching call girl arrives on his doorstep and over the course of the film proceeds to kind of turn the house into a brothel that he ends up running as a business enterprise in his parents' absence, but to the displeasure of the spurned pimp, Guido, played by none other.

I believe you mean Guido the Killer Pimp.

Yes, Guido the Killer Pimp, to be specific, played by none other than the great Joey Pantz, Joe Pantoliano. But again, at the center of all this is the spellbinding Rebecca De Mornay.

Yes, yes. And of course, the film, we will tell you all about how the film ends when Paul Plot takes us there. So Paul, let's just, you know, look, my first, literally my first note on this film is on the credits.

Let's do what?

Oh, shall we go to the bell, Paul?

Yes, I think we shall.

Let's do it.

Ding, ding.

What is it about this film that has so confused and beguiled us that we've forgotten even our own format for our show? Paul, it's insane. I don't know what's happened here.

We're pioneers.

Okay.

I can answer it. For me, when this movie started with the music, I was just mesmerized. That music just grabbed me.

Yeah, this is a great score by Tangerine Dream. A soldier score not quite as great.

Not quite as great. This one pretty great.

This one pretty great. Again, an example of what happens when a composer is truly inspired by their source material, as it seems like they have been, and they're well-suited to it.

I think what you're saying is if you want to see what happens when Tangerine Dream is not inspired, see The Soldier. What do you want to see when they're inspired? See this or see Manhunter, Michael Mann's Manhunter.

Absolutely. Let's do it. We open on this evocative nightscape of Chicago, which is the setting of the film.

Wait. I can already take you back, Paul.

Oh my God.

Yes, that's right. I am the detainer of plot movement today. That's right. Paul, the first thing I want to say is, so the Geffen Company logo immediately tells me that this movie is something different, because up until this moment, Geffen was pretty much a music mobile. And I think pretty much known for being in music, and this is sort of like a movie that kind of like comes in and has a very different feel from other movies, very different music, a lot of very different stuff going on. So the moment I saw Geffen's name on it, I was like, I wonder how close this was to when he began producing films. But I'm sure producer Brad can answer that. Or can he?

In 45 seconds?

Yes, he can. The other thing is, the other thing is, there's also John Avnett, who I, again, this, this, you know, I think, I think, yes, I believe it's on our, it's on our bingo card that I mentioned somebody that I've worked with. And Avnett was in fact the director, producer, and executive producer of a show I worked on called Boomtown, which was a non-linear cop show, yeah. So, so immediately, and then moving, continuing with the credits, Tangerine Dream, who we've discussed, who we've discussed enormously. But I'm sure the first name that popped for you is the same one that popped for me beyond these, these names, right? Right, right, right, Paul? Right, Paul? Please? What's the next name? What's the next name on the credits you have to name check? None?

There's so many, I don't know.

Editor Richard Chu, who edited a little independent film called Star Wars.

Well, there, there you go.

There you go.

Yes.

And you can see why he won the Oscar.

Good catch. This, this is a very sharply edited film. It is, it is a, it is a well-oiled machine. Yes, it is. That I was literally taking notes at about, oh, we're at, this is the end of act one. Perfectly. Here's the beginning of act three. Perfectly on the dot. Like it's just, it's, it's, I really appreciate the efficiency of the narrative structure, even though it is a fairly paint by numbers plot.

The well-made play is the well-made play, man. Yeah. It's like if you do it well, people won't realize that you're doing it well.

Exactly. And this is done with such confidence and style.

Yeah.

That it's, I was very captivated by it. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I appreciated the film.

Amazing that it is Paul Brickman's very first film that he made, right? I mean, it's like.

Yeah, as a writer and writer-director. But no, it is such, it has so much confidence. And it's such an assured piece of filmmaking and of storytelling and such a specific voice.

Yes, indeed.

Like there's not another movie like this, even though it does feel iconographically representative of the time.

Well, that's the thing, Paul. And again, I know we can't get into this plot quickly enough, but I got to tell you, that's the thing that it like. So I've retroactively seen a lot of the sex comedies of this time, right? I've seen Porky's, I've seen, you know, Class. I've seen Private School. I've seen My Chauffeur. Like all these movies wound up on cable. Somehow this one, I still wound up not seeing.

And what's interesting is I avoided those movies like The Plague and this one as well because I categorized it with those.

But this is not those at all, not in the least. And that's the part that is so bizarre about it is that it is not in the genre in which it is always. And it is not in the genre which it is credited with creating, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. It feels like a very interesting anomaly that like, how did this movie escape the confines of the genre of this time, of the teen sex comedy? And that I think is an impressive accomplishment.

Now, Paul, we are seeing these amazing slick shots of Chicago.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Chicago.

We got to go back.

We got to go back to the plot. Let's do it.

No, no. We got, I have to answer your question on Geffen. This is the second film by Geffen Films. The first was Personal Best written and directed by Robert Town.

Robert Town, yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I totally, I totally see like Geffen as somebody who is an outsider coming in with a different sensibility in terms of the projects that his company is going to make.

And the next one was Lost in America with Albert Brooks.

All right, come on. So you see what I'm, yeah, you can smell what the rock is cooking. Now, Paul, Paul Plot, give us the people's elbow. Let's go.

Okay. So this film, in addition to Tangerine Dream, 19 year old Tom Cruise, Yes. unleashes some very specific pieces of 83 iconography that would become indelible.

Yes.

And one of the most potent that appears first are Ray-Bans.

Yes. The Wayfarers, the Ray-Ban Wayfarers.

Yes. On Tom Cruise that we basically zoom or pull out of, seeing them on him, and he is narrating this dream he's having. And first we think he's telling us the audience. It turns out he's telling his friends around a poker table, but it is about a dream that he's entering his neighbor's house. It's all empty. The door's open. He finds this beautiful young woman in a shower who's beguiling, and she beckons him in to help wash her back, and he gets lost in this fog of steam, and then he emerges not in conjugal bliss with her, but is late for class and an exam he has not studied for, kind of a classic anxiety dream.

You missed the exam. Oh, no, no. Yes, exactly.

Yes, and then we cut to them him telling the story at the poker table with his friends, including Bronson Pinchot, who's playing Barry, who is dealing and chomping on a cigar like they all are, sharing their anxiety about their future in college.

Now, Paul, in this scene, the bingo card is going to get a beating, because, let's see, Rafael Sabarge, who plays Glenn, was actually a guest star on SeaQuest, which I worked on. And then there is the great, the truly great Curtis Armstrong, who sadly has been saddled with the epithet booger since the film Revenge of the Nerds, but who really turns in. I worked with him on a show called The Chronicle, where he played a half man, half pig character. And let me tell you something, Curtis was not only one of the kindest, most gracious people I've ever worked with, he's a phenomenally good actor. And when you look at his performance in this film, and he's so young, he's amazing in this movie. He's really great.

Like 28.

Yeah, he's the oldest of all the young actors.

Oh my God, really?

But yeah, I noted that he is 28. He is a sublime delight. I know him best from many years on Moonlighting.

Moonlighting as, what is his name? Viola, what was the, I forget the character's name, but yes, he was amazing in that.

Yeah, yeah, such a talent. And who would have guessed or imagined in retrospect, like, I mean, you could not put this trio together now, but you have Tom Cruise, Bronson Pinchot and Curtis Armstrong. It's an unlikely triumvirate of friendship, but it works in this film.

And here's the thing, and we might as well get into this briefly now and then two hours later continue with the plot. Paul, the question I asked myself watching this film over and over again, and it will come back up when we see the Bill Seeger scene, right, is...

Bob.

Bob Seeger, I'm sorry. You know what I'm thinking of? I know that the last name of Curtis Armstrong's name in Moonlighting was Viola, and there's a visual artist named Bill Viola, and I just have the name Bill stuck in my head, so forgive me. Anyway, the point being, Tom Cruise is a kid in this movie, and the things that made him Tom fucking Cruise for the rest of his life, the greatest movie star that ever lived, and I don't think that the world will ever see his like in terms of stardom, the length of his stardom, the money he has made, the weirdness attached to him in so many levels. Now you're seeing him as this kid, and I can see flashes of maverick, and I don't mean maverick from Top Gun in 87, I mean maverick from maverick two years ago in there, and I can see flashes of Ethan Hunt, but it's amazing seeing how much Tom Cruise transformed into this creation that is Tom Cruise, into this very sort of, I don't want to say manufactured, I don't want to be so cynical about it, but it's like Tom Cruise is clearly something very different now than he was back then, and it's kind of shocking when you actually see it.

But I think any of us are shocking in our contrast to our 19-year-old selves.

Well, yeah, but I mean, it's like, but Tom Cruise became the biggest movie star in history. He is perceived as the second incarnation in the godhead of a modern-day religion, making no judgments. I mean, let's leave all judgments aside on it, okay? Anything, he's literally considered the second godhead in an entire religion, right? He is wealthy beyond dreams of avarice, and he doesn't really portray this kind of everyman character anymore. He plays Superman. He plays Ethan Hunt. He plays Maverick. I mean, when was the last time Tom Cruise played a dude? You know, and I don't think there's any dude left in the guy. I think what's left in the guy is these superheroic characters, because he's, you know...

Yeah, I think they're... not to go too far down on this tangent, but I think there's a bit of the dude refreshingly on... I was going to say, live, die, repeat. Or, all you need is kill, edge of tomorrow. Pick your title. And that's one of the things that's great about that, is that he does have this little bit of this schlub who's thrown into the situation over his head, and then is scrambling to try to make some sort of a manager.

You know what the difference is? In that movie, he's acting.

Yes.

This makes me feel like I'm seeing a lot more of the person, if that makes sense.

Exactly.

I would disagree. Oh, really? Well, I haven't been able to verify this, but in IMDB, someone said that he lost 20 pounds by working out, and then he ate fatty foods to give himself a doughy look, to look younger. So I think his look and appearance in this film is intentional.

Interesting. Interesting. I mean, it makes total sense.

And then a few months later, he's in All the Right Moves, and I'd have to look at photos, but I think he's much fitter.

Oh, no, he's chiseled in that movie, so, okay. Paul?

I'm gonna pull up a footnote from earlier. Curtis Armstrong played Bert Viola.

Bert Viola, thank you.

Specifically, Herbert Quentin Viola.

Viola, yes sir. So.

In Moonlighting.

The other thing I want to point out here is that there's a needle drop during the poker scene of the song Every Breath You Take by the Police.

There's some really good needle drops.

Do you have any idea how much this soundtrack is worth today? Like in terms of how much you'd have to pay for these needle drops from these legacy bands that are like legendary now?

Prince, you can still call them.

There's a Talking Heads song in this movie. It's insane.

Yeah.

Okay, sorry.

When this movie came out, on the day it came out, that song was number one at the box office and had been for seven weeks. Wow.

Number one on the Billboard charts.

Number one on the Billboard charts.

After this poker game, Paul, Curtis Armstrong's character, whose name I can't remember in this film, Miles, takes Joel back outside and they have a conversation that leads us into our first, well, our second clip, really. May I please ask for this clip, Paul, or would you like to talk about anything in the-

No, I think this is good. This is the spark. This is the spark. This is the planting of the seed, the mental contamination that Miles inflicts upon Joel.

That sets him on this course toward corruption and degradation.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Let's hear it, producer Brad.

Sometimes you gotta say, what the fuck?

Make your move.

That's easy for you to say. I mean, you're all set. You're probably going to Harvard. Me, I don't want to make a mistake. Jeopardize my future. Joel, you want to know something? What?

Every now and then, say, what the fuck?

What the fuck gives you freedom?

Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.

I mean, he makes a compelling argument.

He does, and that's the thing is that-

He's the devil on the shoulder.

But the thing is, because this movie is so much of- He is the devil on the shoulder, but the movie is very ambiguous about what it believes to be the right thing. Because on one hand, the movie is satirizing, Paul's parents are zombies. They're horrible people.

My parents are not zombies.

Paul, your parents are wonderful. Joel's parents are zombies. They're horrible people, and so basically, all Joel wants is to be-

They're kind of gross yuppies.

They're gross yuppies. They're materialistic. They're horrible.

They're shallow. Yeah, they're kind of scummy. But Joel is- I mean, he's named Joel Goodson. Goodson, yeah. As in Goodson.

Goodson, yeah. No, it's not entirely Sunlight.

It's not. Yeah, exactly. And he is, again, trying to fulfill his obligations as the Goodson to fulfill his potential and do the right thing and all this kind of stuff. But, you know, easier said than done with-

Paul, what I think is really interesting is that the correlation to this movie is not John Hughes. It's Blue Velvet.

Yeah.

You know, this movie is kind of like the weird, ambivalent flip side of Blue Velvet pretending to be a sex comedy because this speech is no different to me from the speech that Comet Glockland gives to Laura Dern in Blue Velvet when he says there are opportunities for learning, you know, and what he's saying is let's go spy on this prostitution that's going on. Yes, yes.

It has more in common with Blue Velvet. It's sort of blue velvet light, like it's-

Yeah. I think it's more like a flip side of it in a weird way, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. But that actually would make a really interesting double feature. But this is- But so the seed is planted for this philosophical struggle or challenge that Joel is then faced with in terms of what is the path he wants to take. And we get a brief breakfast scene with his horrible parents who are going out of town. Dad is picky. They're picky about all these things. They care more about their stuff than about him. He's like pointing out about, oh, he likes his equalizers set the right way and don't want to mess with that.

Joel listened to rock and roll music on the graphic equalizer. There was a preponderance of bass. And if Paul, why am I going to call him Paul? Because of Paul Brickman and because you're Paul Alvarado-Dykstra. Sorry. My ADHD mind is on a roll today. I'm just saying.

You're just saying I remind you of a young Tom Cruise. I get that all the time.

I do, Paul.

It's the hair.

Indeed, that is. Now that you understand, I think you understand. You know, it's like they say in the YouTube videos my kids watch. If you know, you know. Anyway.

Here's something really interesting about this whole sequence.

Yes.

From the breakfast table scene that's continuous all the way through Joel taking his parents to the airport, it is entirely shot from Joel's POV.

First person. Interesting. Interesting.

Which again is like, who does that? Like that is such a strange and specific choice.

Yeah, I mean, this is an art film. It's so weird about it. It really feels that way, you know?

Yeah, but it also puts us in this position of identifying with the kind of oppressive demands of these parents and that's anxiety inducing and that you want to kind of break free from.

Yeah, I think this film does such a great job of portraying anxiety, of portraying that teenage sort of feeling of, oh my God, am I going to get into trouble? You know, oh my God. And I think it's just, and you know, what's the topper of the scene of this entire sequence as Joel's parents are drilling him on how much money they've given him, on what he's to touch, what he's not to touch. There is a long lingering shot on a crystal egg that is the centerpiece of the entire house and becomes a huge MacGuffin in the movie that the mother cares about more than she cares about Joel, obviously, though it is not mentioned until later. But also, then Paul, then I'm so sorry, Paul. I'm just going to call him Paul for now and fuck it. I'm just, I'm done. I'm not going to call him Joel. I can't, I obviously can't make them into it. So, so Paul gets out of the car with his parents. And as he's saying goodbye to his parents, his parents, his mother says, just use your best judgment. You know, we trust you. When the entirety of the last 20 minutes of this, that like literally this have been about how little they trust him and how much they think he's mentally deficient and how young and how unreliable they think to be and how they probably don't even, you know, should be going on this vacation.

Literally, the punchline of their farewell is be good.

Exactly.

Exactly. That's a clear mandate here that is painfully misplaced.

And very much what this movie is saying, if you are, quote, good, you will make lots of money and be just like these people. You will go to Harvard, you will go to an Ivy League school, just like Curtis Armstrong's character is fated to, Joel is not yet and your life will be set for life with money and material possessions. That's what that's about.

And so Joel promptly goes home and the sequence we all know. Pours himself a whiskey, first, pours himself a whiskey and coke.

A full glass of whiskey. I mean, he literally pours himself like.

Yeah, with a little, tops it off with a little bit of coke.

Like 10 fingers and a splash of coke.

And then, inexplicably.

Inexplicably.

Attempts to eat a frozen microwave dinner.

Paul, no, it's not a microwave dinner, it's a TV dinner.

A TV dinner, a TV dinner, sorry.

Paul, you may not know, we didn't have the science of it back then.

Sorry, it's still 83. Yeah.

I have to say, I watched this with my kids and when he pulled that meal out, they go, what is that? I go, it's a TV dinner. They didn't know.

Oh my God. Okay, Paul, not Tom Cruise, but Paul Plot. When did your family get its first microwave oven, if at all?

Oh, in the mid 80s-ish?

Mid 80s, yeah.

Not too long after this and I will, do I share this?

Please, did you put something metal in the science oven?

No.

That's a quote from a movie called American Hustle. It's the only thing I remember for that movie. It's the only good thing in that movie, so there you go.

I did not, but I made a horrible miscalculation.

Do go on.

That we paid for, for days afterward.

Oh boy.

I was home alone. My parents were somewhere and I was watching TV or whatever and making something, needed to eat dinner and there was stuff or whatever and I got, I think like a, it was a frozen chicken patty, a chicken breast or whatever. Yeah. I think it was like a breaded chicken patty or something.

So far so good. I don't know what, I don't know what could have possibly gone wrong. It goes great.

Put it in the microwave. Yeah. Apparently I miscalculated the cooking time exponentially.

Oh dear.

Which transformed the chicken breast patty thing into a liquefied black goo tar.

I'm going to guess malodorous is part of this, right?

You have no idea. You have no idea. The house stunk for days. I, this did not go over well. I was banned from unsupervised use of the microwave for some time.

You should have just opened a brothel in your home like Paul, like your namesake in this film.

If only. That's the closest I got. That's, yeah.

I think for my family it was 81, producer Brad?

After that, 83, 84, somewhere there.

Maybe not 81 then. It can have been, because I don't fucking know anyway. All right, so now he's got a full set table. Yes. You cut in on him pouring himself the scotch. The TV dinner is sitting in the middle of the table, right? Now a TV dinner, you have to preheat the oven to 350 degrees and bake this thing for 20 minutes. So I don't know, was he drunk already that he just took it out of the freezer and stuck it on the table? Was he hoping to cook it after he sat down and had a scotch? This is the one part of the movie where I'm like, is he mentally deficient? Is he on drugs? What happened here? Or did they just basically compromise the entire verisimilitude of the film for a gag?

For a funny bit. It's clearly a funny bit. But otherwise, it's like, how spoiled is this child that he has never been shown how to make a TV dinner, much less just read the back of the box?

Exactly.

And yeah, do two things, which is turn the oven on to a specific temperature, put the TV dinner in, and then take it out.

Exactly.

When it's done. But no. So he prized the entire frozen TV dinner out of the, I guess, yeah, it was probably aluminum.

And just start sucking on it like some sort of a meat lollipop.

Yes. And I immediately get this flash forward to the fifth element and meat popsicle. But anyway, but then we get the iconic moment that announced to the world, Tom Cruise is a star.

Is a movie star. Yes.

And there's no going back from this point in cinematic history.

No, there is not.

As we hear Bob Seger's old time rock and roll, Blair, and he slides in the frame in socks and a shirt.

And his underwear, and his tighty-whities.

And his, yeah, and goes to town with his whole dance bit. Right. It goes on for a while. I was kind of like-

Yeah, he's singing into a fireplace poker. He's lip-syncing, but the thing is-

Nothing on the couch, again, foreshadowing.

But here's the thing, this is where I actually kind of see the, you know, like this is, yeah, you're absolutely right, this is the moment when Tom Cruise becomes a star.

Yeah.

And his moves are great, he's so confident, even though he's playing a kid who's not confident, playing the confidence of, I'm lip-syncing to Bob Seeger, and I'm home alone and I'm drunk. I mean, it is a beautiful scene. I mean, I think it's so well done and it says everything about the character.

Yes, because we're presented with the presentational version of Joel. Yes. Who is kind of buttoned down and kind of prim and proper.

Yeah, he's wearing a little stripey buttoned down broadcloth, preppy t-shirt.

For a public school student.

Yes.

And but yet here in the privacy of his solitude, he gets to express himself, his inner self.

Yes.

And that it's very simple, but it works and it's again, it's the birth of a movie star.

And it is really simple because, look, part of the joke here is yes, he is letting it all out. He's in his tighty-whities. There's a realness to this, but there's also a sense of it's real. But part of what's real is that it's kind of shallow. This is not a deep song. He's not, his old time rock and roll, I mean, he's 19, it's not his rock and roll. He's literally doing this to some old rockers like him, to the music he liked. I mean, there's also a certain sense of, he's a kid, he doesn't know who he is either. And I think that that works really well for me in this. I really was very sort of wowed by this, by the feeling that it's real, but also the feeling of how constructed it is and how there's a lot to it going on.

Yeah, yeah. And that shot, I mean, that opening shot of him, the way it's framed, the door frame, and the stairwell in the back and all that, it's just, it's perfect. It is a perfect shot.

And it's a great sight gag, and there's a lot of, there's more than one sight gag in this movie that are just beautiful. And most of them, the way Paul Brickman directs this, which is why I think it's so confident for a first-time filmmaker, but I think it also tells us something about filmmaking at the time. Like today, a first-time filmmaker might shoot four cameras and cut the shit out of that scene and cut it like a quote music video unquote. And when I look at it, I'm like, that first shot is literally just one big Kubrickian center punch shot, and he literally slides right into the center of the shot, and he lingers on it. And that's what's so great about it is that this is a filmmaker who is actually planning these shots and coming at how these sequences are built with a real strategy about how to create them. And it's wonderful, you know? I wish you directed more, to be honest with you. I don't know what, you know?

Yeah, same, same. Then we get a couple of quick bits where there's a, his friend group has a chat in the cafeteria, again, about college stuff. Then we get a peek into this business class, this enterprise class, whatever, that's setting something up. But then we get to his friend Clarence arrives with his girlfriend knowing that Joel's parents are on their way asking to borrow a room. And Joel says, okay, you can use mine, that he and Barry are downstairs trying to work on their project for the business class. But they can't concentrate due to the noise of the fornication. And so they proceed to go cruising.

Although I have to say, there's one great joke here. Yes, him and Clarence are leaving the house. And Paul says, we're leaving. When you get out, when you're done, please leave and lock the door. And nothing, you don't hear anything. And then he shouts, if you read me grump twice. And then you hear the girl going, ah, ah. And he goes, okay. He leaves. It's a great joke.

It is, it is pretty good.

It is pretty good.

So they go cruising.

So he has been told in the airport farewell with his parents. He's been told in no uncertain terms. You can't drive dad's car.

Can't drive dad's car.

And we don't know what dad's car is yet.

They don't say what it is until the garage door stops.

Until the reveal. You can only drive because he is not insured.

No, he's not insured for it.

On his dad's car. He can only drive the station wagon.

By the way, classic suburban dad trick. Dad has the nice car, right? And the kids are not quote insured for it. Sure, dad. Yeah, whatever. I know a little bit more about how insurance policies work nowaday, and that is bullshit.

It is. And I just find it a kind of lethal strike of the film showcasing the misogyny in this marriage.

No, no, no, no. But what I'm saying is that the car is insured for Joel. Insurance doesn't work that way. Like you don't have names of people who can drive the car and are insured, the car is what's insured. So the father, like all suburban fathers, was lying to Joel because he didn't want him to use his car.

No, it depends. I believe.

I've had to add my kids to our insurance by name.

And by vehicle. Yeah.

All right.

I hate to break this to you.

I got to tell you.

Stuff you get to look forward to.

Oh, great. OK, sorry. Do go on.

But yeah, the dad has this Porsche for himself, but saddles the mom with the station wagon.

OK, so it's misogyny. OK, so all this time I thought my dad was lying to me about his corvette. Is that what you're saying?

I mean, that's between you and your dad. But I lived under this.

I'm going to see my dad this week. I'm going to have words with that man. And also that was a nice corvette.

More expensive to insure a teenager driving a corvette than an old station wagon.

Well, yes, of course. Yes, yes, yes. That's right. Yes, of course.

So, yeah. All right.

So the garage door open is to reveal a Porsche 928. Yes, yes.

Again, another piece of incredible 83 iconography.

Absolutely.

I don't know how happy Porsche was or wasn't with what this car.

I think they were probably, I think they must have been thrilled.

They must have been thrilled.

The car, after all the car, after all.

And what it survives. That's true.

Yeah, the car survives intact.

We won't spoil it yet.

And also, I want to say that one of the things I love about the 1980s, and what you're about to hear is a smidgen of my having had to learn about cars in order to have a relationship with my brothers and my father. What I love about the 80s, among other things, is that Porsche, you know, Porsche had that standard 911, Volkswagen, squished Volkswagen Beetle design. It's the classic Porsche design. And today's Porsches all emerge from that design language. But in the 80s, there was the Porsche 924, the 944 and the 928, which were major departures from that design language. And they are all beautiful in my book. And I hate that Porsche never stuck with the alternate design languages that they pioneered in the 80s. Okay, that ends the moment that I have engineered for my parents and my brothers to listen to in this podcast. Do go on.

I salute you for that.

Thank you, sir.

That was lovely.

I also saw the 928 as sort of like the family car because it had the back seat.

That's right. The 928 was kind of like the Grand Cruiser, right?

So it's kind of strange that the dad would choose that one over a 911.

Well, it's still a two door. Yeah, exactly. You can't fit everyone in a 911.

Also, you may remember, I don't know anyway, let's continue with this. I was going to talk about how Albert Finney drives this in Michael Crichton's seminal science fiction film Looker, but that has nothing to do with this. Let's go on.

There's another little detail, and this film has these nice little intentional seeds that it plants that then pays off later, and you know, I love set up some payoffs. Joel is not, let's say, very experienced in handling-

Anything!

Much of anything, but specifically the Porsche has trouble starting it, has trouble getting it going, which will be useful to the film later. And yeah, so they, you were going to say something here. Did you have a clip? Yeah, so they go cruising. Miles is also, again, encouraging Joel to embrace more chaos.

And to call a prostitute to- I mean, this is where the whole call girl conversation begins here, right?

Exactly. And it's kind of daring him as this, because this is back home when it's now Joel is with Miles. And this is a really kind of clever-ish scene, where Miles is really annoying.

Yes, he is.

He has this annoying brand-

But he is incredibly confident, very self-assessed.

Yes, he is pestering, and it becomes clear that he is pestering Joel down a path that he himself does not have the confidence to go down.

Well, I don't think so, because the character, he actually later says he doesn't have to pay for sex. And he's, I mean, like of all the characters in the film-

Do we believe that?

I do actually, because the character is so confident and because ultimately, he chooses not, when the house becomes a brothel, Curtis Armstrong's character does not partake. He in fact says, Paul, I don't have to pay for sex. And then he sticks a pipe in his mouth. So you know, what's really interesting is Curtis Armstrong's character, even though he is a kid and he has kid responses to things, much as you know, I have a trig exam tomorrow and I'm being chased by Guido the Killer Pimp, smoking in this film is coded as the signifier of adulthood. Every time there's a sex scene in this film, the film cuts to tinker toys or to a baby picture of Joel or to some signifier of childhood. Once Joel has lost his innocence, he starts smoking. You know, just like Rebecca De Mornay's, just like Lana does, right? And what's really interesting is that Curtis Armstrong's character, what's his name again? I'm sorry, Paul.

Miles.

Paul.

They can't all be Paul. They can't all be Paul.

Okay, okay, okay, Miles smokes.

Joel is Paul.

Yeah, Miles.

Yeah, anyway, I'm fast enough to continue because I have many thoughts. I have a radically different interpretation.

That because Miles is smoking a pipe and not a cigarette, he's not a real grownup because he's pretending to smoke?

He's not smoking. I think the pipe is an affectation. I think that Miles' entire persona is an affectation, is a put-on. He has created this mythology.

Around himself.

Around himself in order to kind of have influence and to be taken seriously. But as we will discover in the Chased by Guido the Killer Pimp scene, when Push comes to shove, when he actually finds himself in a position of chaos, even though he is this kind of a stirrer of chaos, this kind of provocateur of chaos.

But he's still a kid.

Yes, yes, but he is not a kid who I believe doesn't have to pay for sex. I think that that is a cover for his apprehension and anxiety and kind of lack of self-confidence to actually go indulge in the brothel.

You and I read this character very differently because for me, I find him as being more advanced than Paul. He has already gotten into Harvard, you know. He doesn't have to work on the young, what is it, not influencers, the Young Entrepreneurs Project. He's already got it made, he's done.

Yes, but that reinforces my interpretation, because if he were doing all these things that he says he's doing, instead of being fervently committed to his academic pursuits, he would not have gotten into Harvard.

I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know. So both of the interpretations are valid, but I love that this character can be interpreted in such radically different ways.

There is both a fan wank and a fanfic that can accompany this conversation. Now, Paul, so here's what Miles does. Miles calls, now, in this pre-internet, so they're looking at the personal ads in the back of the newspaper, there's no, you can't send a text and say don't come, none of that. He calls a girl from the back of the newspaper and gives her Joel's address.

Yes, Jackie, who he thinks can give Joel a good time.

And then he leaves.

Yeah, posing, well, it's funnier than that. So Joel is like, don't give him, don't say my name, don't whatever, blah, blah. He calls this escort from the Classifieds, posing as Joel.

Yes, a.k.a. Paul.

And in no uncertain terms, it's just a quick burst.

Yes.

It just says, I'm looking for a good time tonight at this address. And then hangs up.

Yeah.

Before Joel can intervene.

Yeah. The fact that she shows up is really interesting because I don't think that would happen.

I mean, it must have been a must have been a slow night, probably, you know, early weeknight or something.

No, you'd want there to be more of a negotiation on the phone.

So anyway, but then Joel desperately is like, give me the phone number so I can call back and fix this and cancel it. And Miles rips it out of the newspaper and eats it.

That's right. Yeah. And a very funny gag.

Yes.

Yes. Absolutely.

So I this is one thing I did bump on though, because as a fellow child of the 80s, I'm like, how in this extravagant suburban Chicago house, does Joe not have star 66?

Star 69.

Star 66 for redial. Star 69 was to call back the number that just called you.

Oh, God. I got it. Got it. Got it.

But star 66 was redial. But then you could just call back the last thing.

I don't remember those features being on phones until later in the 80s. Did those even exist back then?

That's a good question. I think they did.

I see producer Brad going after his keyboard. So let's continue.

Maybe we'll get an answer for that. But that was one thing I thought, wait a minute. But maybe it's because similarly, but the reason I give it a pass.

1992. What?

92.

Courtney's view, AI overview.

We didn't have that.

I don't trust AI. You know that. AI is bullshit.

AI doesn't want us to know about the stars. Anyway, Paul, so here's what happens.

But he also didn't know how to do a TV dinner. So I'm like, yeah, he probably doesn't know he can just redial. So then, yes, cut to that night.

There's a knock on the door and he opens the little window. No, he opens the door and there is a very, very tall. They never say whether it's trans or CD, but it's a basically a very tall trans black woman waiting. Waiting. And her name is Jackie.

Yes, played by Bruce Young.

This scene is fascinating to me in the context of our current day and age, because when I saw the scene, when the scene began, I'm like, oh great, here's another 1980s transphobic, stupid joke about trans people. And then, so Paul says, I'm not Paul, hang tight, I'm going to go get Paul, and he goes to make a call to Miles, and Miles very confidently says, Joel, Joel. You don't like this, do you?

I mean, I can't.

It's going to be confusing for the audience.

All right, all right, all right. So Joel says, I'm going to go call Joel, and he closes the door on this trans person, and I remember seeing a clip from this somewhere and seeing the door slamming, and looking at it back now, I'm thinking, is that the end of this gag that he's going to slam the door on this person who came in a cab from the city, because this is in the suburbs of Chicago. He calls Miles, Miles very confidently says, I'm not going there, this is for you, this is your thing, blah, blah, blah. And then we have this incredible scene that happens that I just...

I love this scene.

It blew me the fuck away for a movie, considering where we are today with trans representation, which is not great already. Producer Brad, let's hear the... This is after... Basically, Joel has tried to the little window on the door to tell Jackie to go. Jackie looks through the window and says, Joel, be a courageous person and open the door. And Joel does, and he makes her a coffee and they have the following conversation.

Oh, again, I'm really sorry.

Long as we come to an arrangement, I'm in no mood for complaining. I mean, when you put your good money down, you got to get what you went after in the first place. Know what I'm saying? When you buy a TV, you don't buy Sony if you want RCA. I mean, I know we could get along real nice, but hey, it's your hard-earned dollar, am I right? This way, we make an arrangement, everybody comes out right.

You had car fare.

A long ride, Joel. I don't ever come out this far.

And your time?

My time, my effort, my infinite patience and understanding.

Thank you.

Seventy-five dollars.

I love Jackie so much.

It's remarkable. This is incredible because, okay, so Joel, again, like you expect, the way it's going to play out, he's just going to keep the door locked, go hide whatever, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah.

And who knows what would happen. But yeah, to let her in. And also because she's like, I need to call a cab to then pick me up and take me back. So there are no cell phones. So to, yeah, and then have this lovely human conversation in the kitchen.

Yeah. Well, she's drinking a coffee off of one of the nice China cups too. It's kind of sweet.

Yeah. And that Joel is extending respect and hospitality.

Yeah.

And without judgment.

Yeah. But out of fear, out of fear.

Out of fear. But I think it's, I think it's a broader fear.

Yeah.

Than just specific to...

It's not race or, no, it's literally, there's a very, there's somebody from outside of my life in my home that is not congruent with what I recognize. Yes.

And it's not what he expected or thought, but that they have this moment of connection and reciprocally, Jackie is not judging Joel.

No, no. And by the way, a topic that comes up later in the movie, in terms of Joel being judgemental and Joel's own sort of suburban values, which is really interesting, you know?

Yeah. And yeah, I just, I marvel at it and they leave on, I mean, the kind, good, fair terms.

Exactly.

And Joel does the right thing. And then-

This is a scene about capitalism working out for everybody when deployed properly, apparently.

Yes. Humanistic capitalism. Well, and then at the end, the button is Jackie then rewards-

Yes, yes.

Joel's respect and kindness and hospitality. Then Jackie basically has intuited what Joel was expecting and wanting. And basically like a medical professional-

Diagnoses the condition and gives him a prescription. You know, Paul, there's something really interesting about this scene that I just keep coming back to. And it is this. This is a film. This is a teenage sex comedy shot like an art film scored by a German techno band in which the promise of scuzziness is always around the corner. There are call girls, there's Guido the Killer Pimp. There is, you know, later on in the film, Joel's furniture is stolen from his home. I mean, there is literally, and whenever, and Guido, the Killer Pimp, he has a gun. I mean, this movie is constantly saying there are awful, horrible things that will impinge on your suburban life. But, and this is the part I find so interesting, the hookers might have a heart of gold, kind of, but the movie has a little bit of a heart of gold and it doesn't quite want you to know it. But even the end game with Guido, the Killer Pimp is shockingly good-natured, shockingly, and betrays a kind of feeling that human beings, even if they are dealing in the world of prostitution, pimping, criming, and all of this stuff, actually can come to terms. And there's this weird dichotomy in this film because the movie is so much about capitalism being a false god that we're all worshiping. You know, Joel and his friends all worship the god of getting into an Ivy League school, right?

So they can make a lot of money.

So they can make a lot of money. And the movie is constantly saying, there is an evil world that's threatened to break the bubble of your capitalist dreams, and yet, every conflict in the movie seems to get eventually solved by a negotiation.

Yeah.

I mean, this movie was built to give Noam Chomsky an aneurysm. You know that.

Yeah. This film should be studied. Like, there should be courses on this, on packing the layers of this film's commentary. I'm amazed by this movie.

SMI, to be honest with you, SMI, because it is, I don't think any of this is naïve. I don't think this is a, I don't believe that this is a movie that is, you know, I may have said before, I don't think this movie is naïve. I think this movie knows what it's doing. I also think this movie is still of its time, and I think it does have some faith in capitalism, and I think it does have some faith in the profit motive, but it might be pointing to the idea that deployed in terms of class, it is a bad thing, but it's certainly saying once you take class and race out of the equation, and misogyny out of the equation, capitalism might just be awesome if we all just treat each other nicely, which is a very odd message. Yeah, Paul, the one of the great scenes, it's funny because we talk about Bob Seeger, but the following scene that triggers Joel to actually hire the call girl who begins the actual plot of this movie about half an hour into the movie is another crime sequence.

Do we not get the punchline of Jackie's referral to Lana? So Jackie, again, offers Joel this prescription.

Joel, I'm going to give you a number. You asked for Lana. It's what you want.

Thank you.

It's what every white boy off the lake wants.

Yeah, which is now the seed is planted in our imagination of this mythical unicorn that is what every white boy off the lake, all of you, yes, named Lana, a horrible, by the way, a horrible indictment of suburban culture.

Like you literally finally have a character from the real world come in and go like, you know, I'm going to treat you nice, but you guys are all, yes, you're all so vanilla. You're all so transparent, yeah.

And obvious.

Yeah. So yeah, so then we get another fantasy scene because again-

One of the greatest. I mean, this scene is so well done.

It's so well done. Really well done. Yes. Because again, Joel did not get what he thought on his doorstep. And so he's now fantasizing about a babysitter.

He's fantasizing about the babysitter, yeah.

And during their...

Well, he's fantasizing about a woman who is later referred to as the babysitter, which implies that Joel's parents trust him so little, they left him with some girl to take care of him. She's referred to as the babysitter the entire time. And I wonder, is she supposed to be Joel's babysitter?

Yeah, I may have missed a beat or explanation later at some point, but I also wonder, was this his childhood babysitter that he's carried a torch for all these years?

It's left to the imagination, yeah. But just as he's masturbating while thinking of this woman...

He gets swatted!

Yeah, he hears sounds outside the house. And producer Brad, can you just show us what happens?

Joel, the house is surrounded.

Do exactly as we say and no one gets hurt. Get off the babysitter.

Put on your pants.

Come out with your hands up.

Please, Joel, do what they say. Just get off the babysitter.

Don't throw your life away like this.

I mean, the, look, I think you grew up in the 80s too, Paul, I've heard. The anxiety surrounding sex for a high school kid in the 80s, I mean, obviously, sex was not pervasive. We did not have easy access to pornography. If you were lucky and you lived in the correct suburb, you might have had a cable box. And even though your parents didn't subscribe to the R-rated softcore channel, maybe if you jiggered the buttons around well enough, you could get a second of it on scrambling. We were not sex savvy kids. There was not a lot of sex education in school in spite of the 1970s. And, you know, you're talking about Time Magazine having a cover story that literally had a giant red H on it. And the caption was, Herpes, the New Scarlet Letter. You have the specter of AIDS coming up throughout the world. And you know, you also have slasher movies, you know, which basically say if you're a kid and you have premarital sex, you will be killed with a machete. So the way that this movie sort of plays that agonizing anxiety over your first time over sex in general is masterful and so wise. And this is hilarious.

I love it.

It's so funny.

Also, just the staging of it is like God, he's inexplicably on this bed on a ground floor with these massively huge wall of windows through the front lawn where this entire police squadron converges along with his parents.

And because the film is scored by Tangerine Dream, I mean, maybe I'm just interpolating this in here, but it plays like something out of a Michael Mann movie. And maybe this is because I saw Manhunter, but he doesn't stage it like it's a comedy. He stages it like the SWAT team is coming, the cops, I mean, it's amazing. It's so confident and well shot.

Yeah, it's so good. Also, I might regret this, but I just think the layers of the pleading from both parents to get off the babysitter.

Don't throw your life away like this, Joel.

I'm just waiting for Joel to reply. That's what I'm trying to do. But alas.

Alas. Yeah.

That's okay. Maybe he didn't quite catch that. But yeah. So now he can't even get it up. He can't have fantasy in peace. So he goes back to the classifieds, browses them. None of them seem right, or all kind of sketchy or whatever. And finally, he then goes to the piece of paper that Jackie left him with Lana's phone number.

Right.

And he calls Lana, who answers, and he puts on, he's in his underwear, sitting on the floor against the wall in his room.

Yep. Great scene.

He puts on a pitchers mask.

A catcher's mask.

Catcher's mask. Sorry. Catcher's mask. I play a lot of baseball, clearly.

We're both sports guys, yeah.

We should make a note that Javi caught that.

Thank you. Good job, Javi.

Thank you.

I was giving you a layup to kind of like redeem yourself from past episodes.

And I spiked it, much like in a different sport. Anyway, you go on. Yes.

Well, bravo. And he says his name is Ralph. And you just get he is so terrified, terrified of sex, terrified of sexuality, terrified of this mystery woman on the other side of the phone. But and she kind of gently coaxes him to give an address.

Yeah.

It's like that would help.

Yep. Yep.

And then he gets ready.

Yeah. And it is interminable. And the anxiety is so well played. He's just waiting for this woman to show up.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

As night continues to advance.

Right.

And the doorbell rings. He's kind of passed out, which I think is funny, on the couch with an architectural digest.

Yeah.

And she just, she rings the bell twice. No answer. She lets herself in.

Yeah.

And walks in. And at first, it's the way it's shot.

You don't know if it's a dream. It might be a dream.

It seems like a dream.

Yeah.

And if you didn't know that, oh yeah, that's Rebecca De Mornay. That's who we're waiting for. And again, we're at like, now we're hitting the end. This is the end of the first act. We're like at 28 minutes in, on the dot. She walks in, and it's 23 year old Rebecca De Mornay. Dear Lord.

She is ravishing. She's just stunning. She really is. But also in apropos of the idea of this is what every white kid off the lake wants, it's like she's a skinny, you know, very beautiful redhead, you know, with sort of alabaster skin.

She looks like Taylor Swift.

Yeah, she looks like Taylor Swift, yeah.

And she's wearing this kind of-

Can we find a halfway point between blonde and just call her strawberry blonde?

Yeah, okay.

Sure.

Sure. But yeah, she's wearing this kind of like baby blue, like kind of dress, this kind of springy and ethereal.

And he wakes up, he gets up from the couch, he goes to her.

And she asks, are you ready for me, Ralph? And it's, it cracks me up. It's so funny. They then start getting it on, standing up as the bay window doors blow open like in a music video.

Yes.

And again, it feels like a dream.

Yes.

It's almost hilarious how Cinemax-y.

Yeah. Yeah.

It is.

It might, it might actually be a template for what Cinemax. Well, it might actually be the template because there was no Cinemax before this. So it's like literally, you know.

They're building the prototype before our eyes. And then we get this montage that is so devious.

I believe that this is the part where someone out in our audience with the bingo card is expecting me to say, and then they fuck.

But it's not that simple.

No, because.

This movie has got layers.

It's not that you haven't.

And it has got an agenda.

Yeah.

Because as we're like leering, we're kind of invited into the male gaze of the film to see this fantasy unfold. The camera pans to the wall.

Again, Tinker Toys, baby pictures, signifiers of childhood.

And childhood pictures of Joel on the wall.

Yep.

Then there's another scene in a TV room where they're on like an Eans chair or something.

Like what looks like a video game chair actually.

Like a video, yeah. A video game chair or something. And on the TV is the American flag waving. It's like the end of the broadcast day.

I believe it's a Hans Wegener bull chair, but I'm not sure. I couldn't quite spot it, so yeah.

Okay. I didn't look too carefully.

Sorry.

Not to go back and look. This sequence.

Is insane. Masterful. Masterful.

So good. And Tangerine Dream is playing and blah, blah, blah. It's like, wow. So he clearly has hit the jackpot.

Looses his virginity to a gorgeous, gorgeous woman who has no hangups about sex whatsoever. Yeah.

Who's incredibly confident, self-assured, super cool, cut to the morning, and she's still there.

Yeah. And she's making him breakfast, right?

And she's made a very impressive-looking, well-staged breakfast that she's enjoying, and she's smoking.

Because she's an adult and he's not.

Yeah. And he doesn't quite know what to do. He has not thought this far ahead.

Yep.

And what does she ask him for, Javi?

$300.

$300. $300. $300 in 1983 dollars.

Yes. It's quite a bit of money. I mean, look, all the dollar amounts in this movie are, you know, like at the end of it, when you find out what he grossed in running a brothel out of his home, it's kind of funny.

It is.

By what money is worth nowadays. But yeah, and she, and this is where the rubber meets the road in terms of adulthood and the real world versus Joel's very secluded world is that while she is not quite a hooker with a heart of gold, she isn't mean, she's businesslike. Like later, his description of her is quite clear. But she is businesslike and she is getting what she came for. Even though she's also being, you know, she's not being evil about it.

She's a professional.

Yeah, she's a professional. So he claims to have a bond in the bank that he can cash.

First he offers $50, which is the money that his parents left for food.

For food, yeah.

And she's like, nah, that's not gonna do it. And then he offers to send her the money. Yeah, he offers to send her the money. Can I? Again, it's just so ridiculously naive. And she's just smoking at him. And finally he admits, well, I have a savings bond. I can go, I can cash out at the bank. Yeah.

And then he goes to the bank and he literally goes, go get it. In the world of Venmo, this movie doesn't exist because he literally has to go to the bank to open a safety deposit box to get an American municipal bond of some sort that was given to him as a gift from his parents.

From his grandparents.

That's right, his grandparents. Oh my God. And he's literally cashing in his legacy here, you know? And it's $500. And then when he comes home to give her the money, not only is she gone, she has taken the egg.

The crystal egg.

The crystal egg.

And this is where we realize- Not to be confused with The Dark Crystal.

No, no. No, not in the least, my friend. So, but what winds up- It's really interesting because it's like we never heard- All we saw was one shot where the egg was lingered on.

Yeah. It's very little made of it.

Yes.

In the beginning, but it's so smart. Like it doesn't oversell it as like, I'll pay attention to this.

In fact, the graphic equalizer gets more play than the egg. You see the egg at the end of that scene. It's a misdirect. Yeah. So anyway, so he winds up having to track her down, right?

He's fucked at this point. He's like, Oh my God, this is like, everything is gone fine. Like he is not, his life has not been set in any kind of peril yet.

Yes.

Until this moment when he realizes, Oh crap, this expensive prized object of my parents, specifically his mom, is what we'll come to find is gone.

Yes.

He's got it and he doesn't know what to do. So he and Miles hit a pond shop, right? Looking for it and he's like sharing the stuff with Miles. Miles then, and he's like kind of blaming Miles for like encouraging him to say, what the fuck and embrace chaos and risk and whatever. And Miles is like, I was just kidding.

Because he's also a kid too. I mean, yeah. I mean, I said, yeah.

Because he's kind of all talk in my view. But then Joel has a spark of inspiration and apparently inside info. Because he, off screen, he's apparently called Jackie to look for Lana. And Jackie's advised him to go stake out the lobby at the Drake Fancy Hotel.

By the way, also the hotel where Jim Phelps famously stayed in the first Mission Impossible movie. And when Ethan Hunt saw the Gideon Bible thing, they realized, oh my God, that's the bad guy all along. So, you know, prequel. I'm just saying shared universe. Go on.

Exactly. Exactly.

They go to the Drake.

And again, speaking of pricing in 1983, it's funny because Miles is complaining about where else can we get a hot chocolate for $4? Like that's an insane amount of money to pay for hot chocolate. Where like, yeah, that's a steal at start.

That's right. I think that's what an espresso pod costs you now, you know?

Yeah.

But they see her at the hotel. She's wrapping up some business.

They make eye contact. She's with apparently a client, this older business guy.

Exactly who the man should be with, yeah.

But Joel, he chickens out in the Drake Hotel and Miles is kind of like, okay, now what? They go to leave out front, but calling to them is none other than Lana, who comes to approach them and asks for a ride. And Joel's like, I need my egg back, whatever, blah, blah, and she's just like, give me a ride. I need a ride. And she basically just jumps in the car because she is fleeing from none other than the man who will be known as Guido the Killer Pimp, played by the great Joey Pantz, Joe Pantoliano.

You know, Joey Pantz, I mean, this guy, first of all, he's a child in this movie. I mean, I think for me, he was always sort of frozen as, what was his name in The Matrix? Not Switch. Switch was one of the women, whatever his name was. Dozer Tank, whatever the hell he was in The Matrix. But like he sort of stuck in that age because he kind of was that age for most of his 40s, 50s and 60s, and remains at this age to this day. I don't know how old Joey Pantz is. He's just been 45 the entirety of known him. So seeing him in this where he looks like he's 29 is a very different experience, you know?

And I have a note in my notes that the movie gets really good here. Because you feel the energy dial up at this collision of characters. And then we get a chase that's sort of unexpected.

And it's the first time we've left the suburbs.

Yes.

So this is so, you know, other than to go to the airport, this is the first time we've left that cocoon.

Yeah.

You know, and shit's getting real, because Guido has a gun.

So the three of them, so Joel, Miles and Lana get in the car, in the again, the Porsche, the dad's car that Joel is not insured on. And Joey Pantz, Guido, it starts like banging on the window, banging on the roof. And Lana is like, we got to go. Let's go.

And Joel is shockingly self-possessed now because he's basically not moving.

Because he needs the egg back. And so he's basically saying, I need the egg back. Where can I get the egg? Like he's like he's he's. And and meanwhile, Miles is starting to freak the fuck out.

Well, he's a kid. I mean, he's a kid.

Yeah, shit's getting real. 28 year old playing a kid. But yes, especially when Guido pulls out a revolver. Yeah, he's he's packing. He's and then Miles is like start the car. And then we get the payoff to the earlier setup. Joel tries to start the car and it won't start immediately.

Right.

And you're like, oh, and it's not quite, you know, fumbling for the keys and poltergeist. But it's a really nice little added beat of tension here before he finally gets the Porsche going and they take off. But then Guido is in pursuit.

And this is why I don't think Porsche is going to be mad about this movie. It's because they outrun Guido handily in their Porsche 928. Not the fastest of the Porsche line, I might add.

They're outrunning this huge, clunky sedan. They're running his pitmobile.

Exactly. And when they're done, Miles says, Porsche, except no substitutes. So, you know, I think Porsche is going to be fine with this.

That's true. There's another funny moment because, again, we're trying to get exposition during the car chase and information out of Lana. And, you know, there's this triangle of conversation in the car with the three of them as they're being chased. And also, like, Joel is in new territory. He's in a brand new situation he's never been in before. And he starts gaining some unexpected confidence.

Yeah, that's kind of interesting in this scene, isn't it? Especially at the beginning. Even when he's negotiating with her while Guido's banging on the window.

Yeah, and I guess it helps that he's driving a cool car. Like, who wouldn't gain confidence from that?

It also helps that the only thing that Joel has life or death stakes for are his parents' material possessions.

Yes.

You know, he cannot find his confidence when it comes to getting laid. He cannot find his confidence with women. He cannot find his confidence with his friends. He can't even tell Miles no. But when it's the egg and the Porsche at stake, he grows a set.

And once he kind of gets in the groove and we're having this car chase, we don't know what's going to happen. We don't know if cops are going to enter it or if it's going to... Who knows what this chase is going to happen? I will say the streets they drive on in late night Chicago are strikingly sparse in their vehicular population, which is convenient. But there's a beat where Joel says, Miles, I think I can take him. And that moment, that line feels like...

The turning point of the film?

A turning point of the film, but also a glimmer of Tom Cruise in all his Tom Cruise-ness beginning to really emerge out of the primordial ooze.

And out of the character of Joel?

Yes. Because it feels like, oh, this could almost be an Ethan Hunt origin. This could almost be a moment of these very confident, hyper-capable Tom Cruise characters.

Tom Cruise characters, yeah.

Here's a moment where that unlocks.

Here's the moment that made it all possible.

Where he's like, I think I can take it. And then he does.

Now, all of this ends. We have the car chase. We successfully outrun Guido the Killer Pimp.

Yeah, they get home safe.

We get back to the suburbs. And she, the next morning, she still won't leave. She still won't get out of the house.

This is amazing. So, yeah, we cut to the morning. Parents are calling from vacation. Lana is serving breakfast in a Princeton sweatshirt.

And for most of the scene, the father is just sitting there motionlessly with sunglasses on, looking like a zombie, which is one of the best side gags in the movie, while the mom just shatters on and on.

Yep. And Lana, yeah, she won't leave because she's revealed the reason Guido was chasing her is because she quit. Yes. Guido was her quote manager. But as she says, nobody owns me. But the problem is that she owes him money for like hospital bills and expenses and other things that he's aftered it and wants back. But Joel, he's got to go to school. Like again, he's at high school, senior. He's got to go back to school. He wants her to leave. She won't.

She won't.

And what's he going to do? So he finally, and then she has this.

Well, this is one of the best exchanges in the movie where he says, I'm going to go, but don't steal anything. And she says, Joel, go to school. Learn something. And what could this mean? Learn something about trusting human beings? No. I mean, he should have listened to her there. So he comes home.

Well, he's late to class, and just in time for a pop quiz, so eerily echoing the dream. Meanwhile, we're intercutting with Lana casing the house.

She's literally looking under the rugs to see what, whether they're fancy rugs. She's looking at labels and furniture.

She's making mental inventory and a sign, like doing a kind of an accounting of value of everything in the house. As we're intercutting to Joel going through his school day, and there's like wrestling with him and Miles. She also finds the keys, presumably the keys to the Porsche. We see Joel in the science class. Lana then takes the Porsche to the train station. Joel gets back home, Miles and Glenn are there. And then there's this moment of dread that Joel has where he worries that Miles has availed himself. I'm sorry, that Glenn, I'm sorry. Glenn has availed himself of Lana's services. And Glenn kind of kind of fucks with him a little bit. And then he's like, no, but I did it with Vicky. And we're like, who's Vicky? And so this other woman emerges from the house.

Nice lady of the night, as they used to call her.

Lana's come back. And so now Lana's there with Vicky. And they've begun basically turning Joel's house into a brothel.

Exactly.

And so Joel's like, he kicks him out. But then Guido arrives.

Uh-oh.

And there's an altercation on the front lawn.

Like a full on hooker pimp, like vulgar swear words, trash is being thrown around, fight.

Yeah, because not only, presumably as Lana quit Guido, she has liberated Vicky from Guido. And he's not happy. And now Guido knows where they are and where Joel lives. And then we get, they run into the house, but then Joel comes out and there's this wonderful face-off between Joel and Guido.

Yes. In which Guido lets Joel know that especially in this economy, you do not mess with another man's livelihood. And that's all he says. And then here's the thing. Guido vanishes for a great deal of the rest of the film. But he lets us know.

Like a mist.

Yes. But you know what he's done in this front yard of Joel's house, my friend? He has planted something.

He has marked his territory.

Exactly. Yes. And we wonder whether this plant by some day, dare I say, pay off?

Yes.

Then, but then of course, because these are stupid young people, even though, I mean, Lana is not a mature adult. She's a 23-year-old prostitute living a very sort of edged life.

Yeah.

They decide that the thing to do right now is, of course, to go get stoned. So they all go get ice cream. Lana and Vicky and Glenn and Miles and Joel all go to get stoned and get ice cream, right?

Well, so there's a bit where he basically agrees, he's like, I'm going to let them stay one night, just one night, right? And then they have TV dinners that have actually been cooked this time.

They're all sitting in like a very still, quiet, where they're just both looking at, all three of them looking at the TV dinners. The thing about the TV dinners also, the table is very nicely set, by the way.

It is, it is. This is the other thing, Lana has kind of magical powers of domesticity. That again, it's this fantasy creation.

She's a courtesan. I mean, she is, she was, she was made to be able to service and please men. I mean, that's what she's doing.

Very much. But then we get the new twist on the plot, which is that Guido is now holding hostage her stuff, her apartment.

Yes, including the egg.

So she's telling Joel, if we can get my stuff back, then I can get the egg for you.

Right.

So now, so their fates are, are, are linked.

Intertwined.

Yeah. And then Joel is trying to study for an exam. Lana interrupts him. And this is a sweet scene, but yeah. Then invites him to get high, go get ice cream, Barry joins him. And, and then Lana pitches him on the business.

It's so fascinating how this movie and Night Shift.

Yeah.

Hinge on this discussion of starting a brothel as a form of sex, positive, safe capitalism.

Yes.

You know, and, and that is like what, what these movies all hinge on is, you know, Shelley Long, like, I mean, it is so similar. It's like Shelley Long's character has been beat up by her pimp. She's left her pimp. And it amazes me because I think that, you know, there's a couple of classes of character that keep recurring in film and TV and literature, sex workers and hitmen, you know, because, you know, and of course, doctor, lawyers and cops, but sex workers and hitmen have these lives that everybody seems to fantasize about. And everybody knows these lives are like edge lives. They're not glamorous lives, obviously, but in the fantasy that we've created in our capitalist society. And there's always this dream that if you can somehow bring a positive form of capitalism into it, you can redeem sex work, which I don't think sex work needs to be redeemed in any way, but I think that in the eyes of the society, there's a sense of the way to be redemptive about sex work is to bring it in line with our value of capitalism. It's weird.

Yeah, yeah, it's kind of-

Because in case you don't know where I stand, sex work is work, sex work should be legal, and the late capitalism is a whole other ball of bananas that we don't even have to talk about.

Yeah, and in this film, the film sort of posits capitalism as this religion that will sanctify anything brought under its umbrella.

As long as it is done on- Yeah, there is the good capital- It's like literally there's the good capitalism and there's the bad capitalism, right? The bad capitalism is exploitative of women and things like that. The good capitalism is one where we're all coming together to create a mutual joint endeavor that will profit us all.

Yes, this fantasy version that will- Yeah, it's really, really interesting.

But the great thing that's happening in the scene is that Joel and Rebecca, Joel and Lana are having this conversation while sitting on the hood or leaning on the hood of dad's car on an incline, a little meadow that leads right into the shores of Lake Michigan. They get into a little bit of an argument because Joel is doing what? Look, he's doing the savior complex thing. He's asking her about why didn't she go to school? Why isn't she going to school? He's asking her all of these questions from his frame of reference. She finally actually gets mad at him and has a moment of humanity where she goes like, you know Joel, I don't need these little judgments from you while you're sitting on the hood of your father's $40,000 car, which is hilarious because $40,000 is I think close to the list price of a Volkswagen Jetta, another German car. So anyway, the great thing about when she leaves is that the car starts lurching toward the lake.

Yeah. Well, one thing though, this scene is so good because there are two really interesting things that kind of collide. One is she's offering him this business proposition that will liberate her from Guido and Vicky and potentially others into this kind of utopian ideal of a suburban brothel of whatever. But that's not sufficiently compelling to persuade Joel. So then she adds, what if I am your girlfriend for the next couple of days? Right. It's like the blurring of these lines of their relationship because that's not something Joel is equipped to compartmentalize or discern. So it's getting mixed up. But then, on top of that, then comes the whole twist of the disparity of class between them. And she reveals that she left home because her stepfather kept coming on to her. And so they're very, very different backgrounds and foundations that have led to their choices or lack thereof. And yeah, it's a lot for the scene to kind of cover. And I think it does quite elegantly by staying rooted in character. But then, yeah, it is a setup for then the big gag of the film.

A scene that is so beautifully staged and filmed. And it is like literally, it's Tom Cruise doing physical comedy, which is not something he does a lot of. You literally see the Porsche starts lurching toward the lake because she leaves and she left the keys locked inside. He is struggling to stop the car from going in the lake. If the car somehow veers into a pier, it stops at the very edge of the pier, and it stops at the very edge of the pier, and Tom Cruise manages to stop the car and he is so happy.

On the hood of it.

And then the pier breaks and everything just slams into the water. It is so beautifully done.

It is a master class in cinematic engineering. This is not easy to do.

No.

It could not be done better than in this film. The other thing is the restraint, because there is a long stretch where that Porsche is sitting on the end of that pier. And you know in your mind, in the back of mind, you're like, oh, it's going to collapse. The car is going to go in the lake. But it doesn't. But it doesn't. And you keep like, is it or isn't it? And then it does. And I jump, because you lose a sense of time by how long you wait.

Yeah, you see a little lamp kind of shift and swivel creaking, and then the pier breaks. And it's sudden.

It's this big, sudden crash that catches you off guard.

But it's the restraint that makes it funny. If this were an Adam Sandler movie, you would be cutting back to interminable closeups of Adam Sandler mugging going, whoa, no, no, God, no.

Yeah.

Because this is a movie that doesn't, this movie knows it's a comedy, but it knows it's a comedy so well that it doesn't play itself as a comedy. Yeah. A lot of the gags work in this kind of way where they are left there to happen. You see them, they're really, but they're not telling you, laugh. Yeah. You know, they're letting you kind of, and it's really fascinating the way this film is directed. But now the car has fallen into Lake Michigan.

Yes.

Joel is in real trouble now.

Now, the Rubicon's crossed. He is really in deep shit now. It was bad enough to have to recover this crystal egg and restore order so that he could cover his tracks when his folks get home. Now, he's got this portion of Lake Michigan. And then, but again, to the film's credit in its efficiency, we don't get a whole long sequence about, oh God, what are we gonna do? How are we gonna get it out? No. Cut to, it is a tow truck, pulls, it's pulled it out of the lake, taking it to the dealership, door opens, and then just water and fish pour out of the Porsche.

Pour out of the car.

It's great. And it's so efficient. And then, we had one long shot. Well, and then there's the punchline where the guy at the dealership comes to find them in the lobby.

Lots of the three kids.

And he says, who's the U-boat commander?

Who's the U-boat commander? Phenomenal.

I kind of love it.

And after that amazing punchline, there's just this shot. And it's a straight shot. Again, they don't punch in. They get out of the car. And they talk about how fucked everybody is. And the last line is Miles saying, does your father own a gun, Joel? Which is amazing. Then Joel has to go back to school to try to talk his way out of all these unexplained absences. And shockingly, he's not Ferris Bueller. He's unable to talk his way out of these absences. The nurse just has no dialogue other than to just wave him goodbye.

No sympathy.

He keeps trying to explain himself. He finally grabs her by the lapels, which is shockingly almost comedic in a way that doesn't seem to fit tonally with this movie. But she will not have it. She basically gives him his slip. He was absent. He is not excused.

And now Joel gets suspended for assaulting the nerds. But he's pleading with her because at this point, he says, all I need, I just want some sympathy. Because he's trying to explain and he lays out the whole situation about the call girl and whatever. And she is stone-faced. She is heard at all from every student for innumerable years. She is this unmovable object. But then he crosses that line.

They cast quite a fairly stout woman.

She's in poetry.

Who is made up with, like the makeup just looks spackled on her.

Yeah.

And she literally just sits there looking at him like she is not going to give, no matter what he tries. And he keeps trying and then he escalates and he gets suspended.

And so we're an hour into the film, more or less. And now he has hit rock bottom. His life, his future are ruined.

He is suspended.

The Porsche has been sunk. He has to borrow Glenn's bike. And he then, where does he go? Does he go home? No. He goes to Lana. And what does he go there for?

To agree to turn his home into a brothel.

No.

No, I don't know. You tell me. I don't know.

He goes there for a hug.

Oh, I've forgotten that.

They have this very tender hug.

That's right. And Vicky, but Vicky is standing there watching them.

Yeah, Vicky is there, because apparently they're roommates.

And it's not that tender, because with Vicky being there watching, it actually makes me think, does Vicky... Because here's the thing. Lana is manipulating Joel. Yeah. I mean, she has her own agenda, and she's not a hooker with a heart of gold, but she's not someone who's dead inside either. But when she's hugging Joel, the last part of that scene is the camera pans over and shows you Vicky standing at the doorway watching, which makes you go like, is this just them springing the plan?

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Is this...

And the movie won't...

Is it The Grifters? Yes. Now, is this all a long con?

Yeah. Yeah. The movie won't let you have it.

Yeah.

They won't let you have the easy emotional way out. And they agree to turn the house into a brothel, unless they're shopping for mattresses and getting the cash box ready.

There's some on top. Because this is the only way he's gonna be able to make enough money to fix his dad's car miraculously in two days before he comes home.

Very quickly, yeah.

And that he gets the egg back and they proceed very quickly to convert the house into a brothel. They may bury the treasurer. Joel is in charge of sales.

And there's a really interesting line while The Montage is going on, though. He says that he sees her as being mere capitalism. No guilt, no doubt, no fear. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification. What a capitalist, he says.

Yeah.

It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialties. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification.

What a capitalist.

So it's really interesting because this is the part where the movie's attitude toward capitalism is completely laid bare, you know? Yeah. And Joel is going to do marketing. And then we see Joel, the Wayfarers come out.

Uh-huh.

Joel starts smoking because this is his coming of age.

He goes into full pimp mode.

In a way that we've never seen him before, he gets out. He's wearing the black t-shirt for the first time. He's wearing this black t-shirt with a gray blazer. The great, the great, the iconic gray blazer, the iconic Risky Business, gray blazer, wayfarer sunglasses, cigarette, black t-shirt.

Yeah, jeans and white Nikes. Yep, yep, the whole look.

And he starts, and he starts, and he's in a diner, he's in like a fast food joint talking to this fat kid about all the money he laid out on this date for this girl. And he says, and the scene is of Joel saying, so you're out 60 bucks, and then what happened? And the kid goes, she went to sleep with the Jefferies over there. And Joel is like, I'm just saying, you know? So you can see he's using all of these insecurities to get all of his friends to do exactly what he needs them to do, which is to pay money for sex.

He markets to all of his classmates, basically. All his male classmates.

Yeah. And in one of the sales pitches, he says, college girls can smell ignorance like dog shit. He's basically saying, you're going to college next year, and if you don't have the knowledge these women have, you're not gonna get laid in college. And the house becomes a brothel, and the business is booming. I mean, but...

There's a big brothel party.

Yeah.

And it's amazing.

And...

You think Guido might come and ruin it because Guido has planted in the front yard, but it's not Guido who shows up. Paul Plot, who is it?

It's Richard Mazur.

Richard Mazur, yes!

Richard Mazur, sorry.

One of my favorite...

Mazur, Mazur, whatever. One of my... I don't know how to pronounce it. I just say it that way. You say it your way. I don't know what the real way is. Producer Brad will look it up right now. And he is the Princeton interview. Because one of the things we find out at the beginning of this film is that Joel's father pulled some strings to get him an interview into Princeton because Joel does not have the GPA to get into Princeton, which is why he's so nervous the entire thing. He shows up at like 10 p.m. in the middle of the brothel house party.

Which is objectively insane.

It is insane. It is insane. Literally, the girls come in, there's like over a dozen of them. They are wheeling cots all over the house.

And who is one of the girls?

Who is one of the girls?

Megan Mullally.

Oh my God.

We catch a brief glimpse of her in the stream of call girls coming into the house. She's like second to last or something.

And it's Richard Mazer.

Richard Mazer, sorry, apologies. I got excited.

Just one of the, you know, by the way, every time I see Richard Mazer in anything, I'm thrilled. He's one of the great character actors. He elevates everything he does. The last I saw him was a year ago on an episode of Younger, playing a thinly veiled version of Jor RR. Martin. And, I mean, my god, this guy, I just, you know, he's in another movie called Head Office, very minor 1980s comedy. And it's like literally, it's him and Judge Ryan Holden. He gives a couple of speeches about capitalism and business and all that. He's amazing. This guy is just a wonderful actor. And I just, and he's playing the Princeton recruiter. And they go into the room where Bronson Pinchot is keeping the cash box. They kick Bronson Pinchot out and they're trying to have the interview. But Rebecca De Mornay wheels a cot into the room because she needs the room. And then there's a knock on the window and there's a guy there with his cousin Ruben. His cousin, he's like, here's my cousin Ruben from Skokie. He's got to be home by midnight. Can you get him in?

This whole sequence of the brotha party with Rutherford is his name. The Princeton admissions guy showing up inexplicably at night for a home interview visit, like it's insane. It doesn't make any sense. And he's so deadpan, he plays it straight. And it's a slow burn because he arrives.

He tries to do the interview. He tries to do the interview.

Well first, he arrives at the house and he stands out because it's like all these young, horny team guys. And this older guy within a suit and he's looking around and we're like, oh wait a minute, is this a cop? Is this like, who is this?

And he's not in a suit. He's like in a blue blazer with like a shirt and tie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he looks like someone's dad. He looks like he got out of the country club.

Exactly, yeah. It's a threat because it's an adult authority figure who's out of place. He comes into the house, he's taking it all in. Like he takes his time.

And the way he makes his place is he's impassive. You cannot tell what he's thinking.

It's so good. And meanwhile, Joel is trying to wrangle this chaos. It's full screwball comedy mode. Early in the scene, he's telling Lana, pleading, he's like, some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing. And she's like, what's wrong with that? And he's like, I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis. But yeah, they finally take this room to try to do this interview. And but this whole sequence is full on screwball comedy.

Yes.

Yes. And it is delightful, even though it is wildly implausible.

Interrupted by it is interrupted by a call from mom.

Yes. It just goes on and on. But his Richard Mazer's deadpan is so, so good. And one of my little things that are elevated because of the context in his delivery, like when he says, and you wish to major in and Joel says business again in the context of the Brotha party chaos. And Richard Mazer is like unfazed, just like, huh, like, and just going through it all. And you, so you know and expect Joel is screwed. Like he is, because also at this point, he has been suspended from school, but which Rutherford from Princeton does not know yet. But so he's going through the transcript and the SAT scores and Joel's saying, I plan to retake them. And like he's an unremarkable applicant to Princeton.

Unremarkable, yeah.

Is what's, and then finally at the end of the interview, Lana comes in and says, so how are we doing? And Joel, in an iconic shot from the film.

Iconic.

Joel puts his Ray-Bans back on indoors, hits this big shit-eating grin and says, looks like University of Illinois. Like he's just accepted his fate.

Completely. And I want to talk about that when we get to the end of the movie though, but the best thing that happens in the sequence is, Rutherford appears to leave the house, and the party goes on and we go into a little bit of a montage where Joel explains that they did very well that night.

Yeah. Well, Joel and Lana have a really sweet scene in the basement with this train set.

Yeah.

Yes.

Again, a signifier of childhood that has been put underground by the incredible impingement of adulthood into his life.

Yes. And Joel is trying to navigate slash negotiate what his relationship with Lana is or isn't. Is she really his girlfriend or not? And he says, tell me, yes, no, maybe. And then beautifully, she's so good in this movie. She slinks up to him and softly says, yes, no, maybe. It's just so devious, but it's also delicious.

The movie refuses to let you have a night shift. It won't let her be a hooker with a heart of gold. That's great.

It's so good. Then Joel's dad calls. There's like a phone call that's handed off to him, and he's like, her, do I hear people there? Joel's trying to come for a bar, got friends over at Sister Girls. I was like, do I know her? He's like, I don't think so, whatever. But the whole time through this call, Lana is ruthlessly whispering sweet nothings, provocatively into Joel's ear.

Yeah. One of the things that she says is, have you ever fucked on a train because they're at his train set?

Yes. And she wants to fuck on a real train.

Yeah. There follows a montage in which we see kind of the aftermath of the brothel party and it has an exquisite punch line, which is that Joel says, even Rutherford made some new friends. And now you realize what happened to the Princeton interviewer. You see him, and again, a still shot of the front door of the house from the side, you see him enter into frame with a woman. And he's still in his nice little blazer with his shirt and his tie. And he's there with another. And you get the sense of, you know, he showed up early. So he's been there for a while.

He takes his time. He's a man.

He's a man. He's also an Ivy League grad. He's got money.

So yeah, and probably had nothing else on his calendar that that that evening. But yeah, Joel says, he said he'd do his best for me. And then we get the music cue of all music cues, although there is some Prince playing during the party. That's really nice. Yes, that's right. Phil Collins in the air tonight. Like, oh my God, as they go out on the town to get on a street car.

And there's a really sweet joke here, which is that they wait until the train is empty and the L does not empty.

And there's just one hobo who stuck still will not leave.

And by the way, total hobo, because it's like, this is the 80s. So like our conception of homeless people still dates back to the 20s to 60 years prior. So he is a hobo. And Tom Cruise literally has to grab him and take him out of the train and sit him on a bench and then go in the train so he can have sex with Rebecca De Mornay. It's funny, just the way it's staged and everything. But then we return home.

It's really, really, really good. And also, well, so they get it on, on the train, the train being a street car in slo-mo.

Yes. I mean, this movie is from the 1980s. Make no mistake.

Yes.

But however, Paul, there is a seed that was planted in the front yard of this house and it must sprout sometime before the movie's done. What is the seed?

Well, first.

Oh!

Oh, yes. Joel picks up the Porsche, which has been fixed.

That's right.

Yes, shockingly. Drives it home very carefully. Bit of trivia, thanks to producer Brad. I don't know if he had a chance to read the article.

But police do go on.

Do you know who has an uncredited cameo driving the Porsche, the repaired Porsche, out of the garage?

I do not. Who is that?

Sean Penn.

What?

What? Apparently, Sean Penn was also filming and was hanging out with Tom Cruise and visiting set when he was off. And he was put in to, wanted to drive the Porsche and drove it out of the garage.

That is phenomenal. I am genuinely thrilled to hear that.

Joel drives the Porsche back home very carefully.

Carefully.

Very slowly with the hazard lights on. It's right. He's passed by people on, casually on bicycles.

That's right.

It's very funny. Gets home. It's like, finally. Okay. He got the egg back. He's, he's, he's, I think he's got the car back. He's restored it.

Normality has been restored.

You know, he's not getting to Princeton. He's suspended, but at least like, okay, the, the, the orders are stored to the house. And what does he find?

That Guido the Killer Pimp has stolen all the furniture in the house.

The entire house. The entire house. Has been emptied of everything.

And what's really interesting is, you know, so this now becomes a set piece in which Joel has to call Guido. He calls Lana.

But she won't answer.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Guido answers.

Right.

And he's like, and this again, it's this is where it becomes a genre filled with its fantasy. My parents are going to be back in two hours.

In two hours.

He needs all the stuff back. And then Guido, like there's this negotiation between him and Guido, who demands respect and keeps hanging up on Joel.

Right.

Until he respects him. And they negotiate, you know, they're trying to negotiate a deal. Meanwhile, Joel's parents are arriving at the airport and are waiting for Joel, who's supposed to pick them up, but who is not on every occasion, not written down their flight information.

Because Guido somehow has all of Joel's stuff in like a U-Haul, and he's driven up to the front of Joel's house, and he's selling him his stuff back. And it's a whole negotiation.

Yeah, yeah, so all the money, every cent that Joel made from taking all of Guido the Killer Pimp's girls and turning his house into a brothel, except, I guess, for the money he paid to repair the Porsche, but there is more.

Yes, but here's the interesting thing is-

But there's not enough-

To get the egg.

For the egg. So yeah, he has not gotten the egg back yet.

And because the excruciatingly weird subtext of this film is that capitalism will work if you're a decent human being and you do capitalism right, which is to not exploit other people, Guido, in good faith, with the advice of one of his companions, basically agrees to sell the egg back for $50, but he says he'll do it for $350, but he'll do the $300 in consignment or whatever it is. I guess on credit.

He then turns into Joel's Lone Shark.

Exactly.

Now Joel is on the hook to Guido the Killer Pimp for $300, which to me is like that's a setup for the sequel that we never get.

But Guido is really-

He's very civilized about it.

Even when Guido is being, quote, evil unquote, he's low-key and he's comical.

He is, as Worf might say, with honor. He has honor. He's an honorable creep. Yeah.

And now the film- Now, look, for example, I think like a movie like this, this whole sequence where the parents are in the cab and they're intercutting between Joel and his friends putting the furniture back, which culminates with putting the egg back, of course.

Yes.

Of course, this could never happen. No. I mean, they're not going to move the entire house back in two hours. Or however long. But it is earned. Yeah. And that's the thing. And it is not shot like a shtick. It is shot in the same kind of very matter of fact, very kind of dispassionate way the rest of the movie is shot. And it actually works both as comedy, but also it's kind of like it's continuing to give you the sense of this film is not going to let you let it be a comedy. Yes. It's also kind of interesting. Yeah.

It's like the last piece of kind of a heist in reverse.

Yes. Yes.

They have to put everything back in a way that the parents who were very fastidious are not going to notice.

And that's the thing. It's like, look, there is one hole in Ocean's Eleven. OK? I'm not going to tell you what it is. It's revealed in the DVD commentary. I saw the movie 25 times and then I listened to the commentary and I realized I'd never seen the hole. The movie earns the hole. And it's the same thing here. The movie earns the hole. This movie hasn't really not tried your suspension of disbelief too much for much of it. And this is the moment when it caches those chips and it's a really good screenwriting lesson that if you're going to do this, you better fucking earn it for everything that leads up to it.

Yeah, I do think it would have been just as easy or fine to say six hours instead of two. Yeah. Give it a little more plausibility, but still you'd have the suspense and the tension, but that's a nitpick. The parents arrive home and then we have the suspense of is something going to be out of place?

Is something going to be wrong? The father literally noticed the change in the quality of his jazz music from-

Yeah. From the setting of the equalizer. Yeah, on his console.

These parents are going to be hard graders. They come home and everything's fine.

Except.

Paul, except.

What happened to my egg? There's a crack in it.

There's a little tiny crack inside the egg, which the mother claims was not there previously.

Yeah.

And the mom is so horrible and judgmental and mean. And she's not mean like she's not screaming or abusive, but she's like, I'm so disappointed in you, Joel. You just get the sense that, like, I mean, it's insane. She cares more about the egg than she does about Joel. Yes. And it's funny because that's when the dad kind of becomes a human being and says, don't worry about it. She'll get over it. Put in a little extra yard work. Yeah.

Yeah. Because now Joel is on the hook to buy a replacement.

That's right.

And who knows how much that egg actually costs.

The father says that he will pay for the replacement of the egg.

Yeah. But Joel has to do yard work.

But that's the thing.

The parents are so transactional.

He'll pay for it and do some extra yard work.

But he's been diminished in his mother's eyes. Do you think there is a crack in the egg? Or do you think his mom is a fucking crazy person?

I think his mom's a crazy person because here's the thing. There's no way. It's a solid crystal egg. If it was going to crack on the inside, it was going to crack on the outside. There's no way that there's a crack inside of the egg that doesn't manifest.

Neither of them see it. Joel and his dad don't see it either. They're just like, whatever. That's my interpretation of that.

It's more fuel to the fire of his parents. They're just deeply materialistic and they don't see what's in front of them, which is their son.

But in the big scheme of things, he's kind of gotten away with things, at least he thinks. And so he goes to do yard work. At this point, I think the movie is over. He's putting the Ray-Bans on, he lights the cigarette, and then as he's putting stuff away in the shed, there's a great reveal as he then closes the shed door, revealing the dad standing behind there and saying, Joel, do you have something to tell me?

Uh-huh.

I just got off the telephone with Bill Rutherford. Apparently, uh, you two had quite a meeting. Princeton can use a guy like Joel? What? Princeton can use a guy like Joel? His exact words. That's unbelievable. You're as good as in. I knew you could do it. Haven't I been telling you, every once in a while, you just gotta say, what the heck, and take some chances. You are so right.

Amazing. Amazing. And this is the moment where this movie just literally, Noam Chomsky's head just blew up. Because the movie has been, now you can interpret it as peddling a kind of idea that capitalism can be benign. You can interpret it as being a movie that's against capitalism, and it's saying, okay, Joel getting into Princeton makes him Darth Sidious, makes him the future Bernie Madoff, because he's learned all the wrong lessons, because Princeton is as corrupt and evil as Guido the Killer Pimp, right? That's a message you can get from this film. What I get from this film is that if Joel had gone to the University of Illinois, he might have actually met some interesting people, and he might have escaped from this hell, and instead he's going straight into the lion's den, which is a really depressing read on this movie. But that's what I got out of it, because I don't know how else to read the idea that...

And what future... He's going to be beholden to Rutherford...

Oh, that's true too, yeah...

.to supplying him with prostitutes during his entire undergraduate...

While being in debt to Guido.

While being in debt to Guido, and maybe or maybe not his mom.

The corruption that has enveloped Joel wholly at the end of this film is staggering. And again, this movie is so confounding in so many ways, Paul, what do you make of all of this?

This is not the ending that the director wanted.

No, he wanted the ending where he escapes, where he goes to the University of Illinois, where he literally doesn't get into Princeton.

This is a reshoot because the studio hated the original ending, which was that he's punished. He does not win. He does not get into Princeton.

But he's not punished. He's not punished. He wins because he gets to escape. He gets to get out of John Hughes land. And frankly, for a Puerto Rican kid growing up in the 80s, John Hughes land was hell to me. I cannot really overstate my hatred of John Hughes and his aesthetic in comedy and everything. And look, I try to not, in my later years, as I have become a mellower person and not the kind of nerdy neckbeardy cineast who hates everything and has these strong opinions, the one that has remained steadfast is that, is about John Hughes and his impact on me as a viewer. So for me, watching this film, and just given what you said earlier about it being sort of a weird triumvirate with Home Alone and Ferris Bueller, I'm like, Joel lost.

Yeah.

He doesn't know it yet though.

Because Joel is now trapped in capitalism now.

Be careful what you wish for. It's like he's wished on the monkey's paw.

Yeah.

And now he's cursed to actually fulfill his dream.

Now he knows how to be Bernie Madoff, and he's going to go to Princeton to learn how to be everything else he needs to be to be Bernie Madoff.

Yeah.

And it's horrifying to me.

Yeah. And yet his dad is so proud of him.

He finally loves him.

He finally has his dad's approval. I mean. The movie's not quite over. We get a coda of Joel at a restaurant with Lana, and he asks her if this was all a setup all along.

Finally, we ask the question that I was wondering about as well. Yeah.

And she says, she says, no. But we don't really know.

We don't really know. And she wants to be his girlfriend. And he says, well, how much do you have? And then they have the exact same conversation they had when in the morning after the first time they had sex, where he's trying to negotiate for the 300 bucks.

Yes.

And she says, well, I can send you the $300. And he's like, yeah, you know, and she goes like, what if I write you a check? And he's like, what am I going to do with a check? And she's like, and you realize that they're basically, you know, like in the meat cute and the architecture of a meat cute, this is a really good trope, which is that, you know, you end the movie on the same note, you started the meat cute, only reversed, you know? So it's cute, you know, in my very bleak reading of this film, it's a little bit less fun, but I think it's still pretty cute. And of course the actors are so damn winning, you know?

Yes. And then we get closing via, we haven't mentioned, there is intermittent voiceover by Joel. Yes. Peppered throughout the film, but he says, my name is Joel Goodson, I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over $8,000 in one night. Yep. Time of your life, huh, kid?

Yep.

And that's it. That's the end.

And that's it. And it's, yeah, I mean, it's...

It's a remarkable film.

It's a remarkable film. It is such an object of its time. It is so, it has so many weird, confounding messages in it. You know, like you can interpret it a lot of different ways. This isn't Porky's or class or, you know, and which is funny because when I say Porky's, I mean Porky's very specifically because Porky's is a sex comedy trying to be a movie about anti-Semitism, which I continue to think is hilarious. But this movie actually has the goods. I mean, it's both an object of its time. It's got an interesting message. It says a lot of things that in retrospect are very weighty, you know, and it's, yeah, it's a lot, right?

Yeah, yeah. And it's, it's, it's Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay and Bronson Pinchot and Curtis Armstrong and Joey Pantoliano and Richard Mazur. Like, it's, they're really, there's a lot of talent in this film.

Yes, yes. And, and the elephant in the room being Paul Brickman, who directed two more movies that were not, you know, look, I don't, I don't, I'm not trying to shit on the guy's career, but I mean, the movies he made were not movies that were particularly huge, you know, and, and, and had, you know, sort of a big impact. I mean, they were Men Don't Leave and A Short. Yeah. And he, and this was the, you know, he wrote, I think, one, two, three, three movies after this, including that short. And that was it.

Apparently, he was left with a very bad taste in his mouth with the experience with the studio on this film, basically forcing him to change the ending and things. Apparently, he didn't watch it for 30 years. And so that may have had something to do with it, where he just was like, well, I can't, if I can't do things on my own terms, I'm not going to do it. But I don't know.

And the studio marketed this as a Porky's film.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah. And that's why for so long, at least certainly in my burgeoning youth and teen years, I avoided it because I thought this was in that category. And I was like, that's not my kind of, I'm not interested.

I'll tell you a little story about that, if I may.

Yeah.

Risky Business was my brother's movie. He loved Risky Business.

Oh, wow.

Loved it. And he had a friend, and they had a big argument about whether Class was a better movie than Risky Business. And I was there and I remember seeing them having the argument and all that. I remember as they were leaving, my brother's friend turns to me and goes, Class is a much better movie. And he leaves. And because of that, I always thought of Risky Business as my older brother's movie. And a movie that was about his life and his things and the things he cared about and nothing I cared about. So that was another and it's not that I hate my older brother or anything, but it's like he was a very different person for me. So I saw this as their domain, not mine. And that's why I never went there, which I always thought was kind of an interesting way that this movie always made me feel. Yeah.

But no, that makes total sense. Is that, oh, that's his thing. That's not my thing.

That's his thing. That's not my thing. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Yeah, I am. I am so pleasantly surprised. This is again, one of these movies that I was honestly dreading.

Really?

Putting off because I had this unfair preconceived notion. I was like, this is going to be gross. It's going to be sexist. It's going to just be tasteless and like, Icky and I don't want to go there. But, oh, it's so good.

It's so good. And, you know, like, I mean, there are sequences from this film that I'll probably be taking, be teaching in courses that I teach and stuff like that. There's just stuff here that is. And that's the thing. It's all the music. Yeah. The needle drops and the score are phenomenal. But producer Brad, was this movie the cultural juggernaut that I think how did it do at the box office? I imagine this movie opened at number one and made 100 million bucks.

I mean, well, let's first talk about Tom Cruise because all the time he is only number seven in box office gross.

Well, because he hasn't done Marvel or Star Wars movies.

Ahead of him is Samuel Jackson, Scarlett Johansson, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, and then Tom Hanks.

But that's kind of, but that's kind of, if you show up in a Marvel movie for 30 seconds in a cameo, you're in it and that's how Samuel Jackson, it's not like people are going to see the Samuel Jackson movie. Great an actor and a star as he is, but it's a little different thing.

But I think the difference is he has starred in 43 films, not ensemble. He was the star.

No, starred. Exactly.

Which is amazing.

And I think honestly it's him and Harrison Ford. I mean, I don't know who else bridges so many decades.

And Tom Hanks.

For so long. Yeah, and Tom Hanks, of course, Tom Hanks. And I think it's, yeah, what else, Brad? Producer Brad.

It did not open at number one. So we're talking August 5th, 1983.

Excuse me?

It opened number three behind National Lampoon's vacation and Return of the Jedi, which is still going strong.

Okay, I buy that. And I can also understand a vacation because Chevy Chase was a much bigger star.

He was a star and Tom Cruise was not yet a star.

And this was an R-rated film too.

Yeah, true.

Did it become a sleeper? Did it get more popular? What happened?

It was the ninth highest grossing film of 83 with 63.5 million and the fourth highest grossing comedy behind Tootsie Trading Places and Mr. Mom. And it has the smallest budget of all the films we've seen so far at 6.2 million.

Wow. Mr. Mom, one of the few John Hughes written movies I can sit through, by the way. Assuming, I don't remember us having so many racist jokes.

No. Now, all time Risky Business is 1,474, 30,000 behind The Fifth Element and 150,000 ahead of A Fish Called Wanda.

Wow.

Crazy.

Well, producer Brad, now that we have dissected this film thoroughly, tell us what's in the future for us. What do we have coming?

We are going to the weekend of August 12th, 83. Four movies have opened, so you guys have a healthy selection. We'll see about that.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

I'd like to set you up. Here's your first option.

I don't feel healthy.

Oh, Kujo.

Kujo. Kujo. Kujo.

Directed by Louis Teague. That's all I remember. Let's see, what's next? No, no, no, no.

Smokey and the Bandit 3.

No, no, no, no, no. I think you mean Smokey and the Bandit 3, Smokey is the bandit because Smokey and the Bandit, they couldn't get Burt Reynolds because he was too busy making Stroker Ace. So Jackie Gleason is now somehow forced to become an outlaw when he's been the sheriff in the other two movies.

No, no, no. You want to go to option three?

Option three.

Here's your poster for number three.

Curse of the Pink Panther. Oh, dear Lord.

Now, that's the one with Ted Was, isn't it? Where they tried to get him to replace Peter Sellers. Because when you think-

No. Here's-

Is this the Clip Show movie?

No. Ted Was is someone investigating, but at the very end, they introduced Roger Moore and they suggest that Clouseau has had facial surgery and he now is Roger Moore.

Well, then we don't have to watch the movie. What's next?

I saw that movie in the theater when it came out.

I did too.

You poor man.

It's so bad.

I'm not, I'm not going close to that. You know, because the thing is, it's, it's, yeah, no, no, I'm good, I'm good.

Here's your fourth option.

The man who wasn't there.

Steve Guttenberg's 3D comedy thriller. Paul. Paul, this is a-

We can go down the charts and see what else is playing or you can choose from these four.

Sure, let's have a look at what else is playing.

Don't get mad at me because it's the same one.

I'm not mad at you. I know. I adore you, producer Brad. You're my oldest friend, but this is a shit sandwich you're serving me. I'm not blaming the server. I'm just, you know-

We have Vacation, which is number one right now. We have Jaws 3D.

No, no, no.

We have Mr. Mom.

No, no.

We have Class.

You know, it's better than Risky Business.

Well, let's find out.

Wait, wait, go back, go back. Who else in Class?

It's Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy.

Yeah, Jack Limpiccett and Cliff Robertson.

This was one of the Rat Pack, one of the Brat Pack movies. I mean, this is one of the ones that kind of got that.

Yeah, I've never seen it. Yeah. I don't know.

And you don't have to. I think we're going to watch National Lampoon's Vacation.

The Star Chamber.

No, no.

You know what I'm heading towards? Private school now.

Oh, no, no. Porky's 2, no, no.

Fanny and Alexander.

Fanny and Alexander.

Alexander.

You know, we're going to have to do like our Christmas special is going to have to be Fanny and Alexander. And just I can't wait to hear Paul Plot get us to that movie.

All three hours and eight minutes on it? Yeah.

Yeah.

I think we have to do it just perversely for you, producer. I think you need to do that just to see what it will be like for you to have to edit that podcast.

Oh, dear Lord. And what else?

Is Valley Girl still playing?

I'm still.

We'll do Valley Girl. Let's do Valley Girl. Let's do Valley Girl.

Let's do it. I'm down for that.

Valley Girl Vacation.

Or Cujo.

You haven't seen a horror film yet. We saw one last year.

I don't want to see D-Wall. Do you want to see Cujo?

No.

I'll go for it. If you want me to go for it, I'll go for it.

I've been kind of wanting to see Valley Girl.

Valley Girl it is. Ladies and gentlemen, at long lost, Valley Girl. And until then, we will see you.

It is half the length of Fanny and Alexander. Already.

And by the way, that's the line on the poster. And on that note, we will see you next week in line at the Multiplex. Catch you later.